There are many things about my appearance that have been neglected (happily) since having babies. Most notably, my hair and my toes. Back in the day I frequented the hair salon and the nail salon.

But now? It’s just too much work. Not to mention the cost. Mostly, I can’t stand to be away from my babies. Like, ever.

Cue my birthday. My sweet mother in law got me a gift certificate to get a pedicure with an offer to watch the babies so I could go. It was extremely thoughtful of her and I have been meaning to go but it has just never happened.

So a few nights ago as Zach and I were drifting to sleep, he says, “Ya know, you could use your pedicure gift card anytime you want. It would make you feel great.”

Hmmm…something was fishy. Zach has never cared a thing about my toes.

I say, “Basically my feet are grossing you out aren’t they?”

“Yes. Totally. Please, for the love get a pedicure.”

And the truth comes out.

So I hesitantly made an appointment for this morning and my mother in law agreed to come over and watch the babies. Did I mention how much I hate being away from them? Like, a lot.

When I woke up this morning I dreaded going. I questioned it, did I really need one? Was I being selfish? Would they be okay without me?

After getting over my anxious thoughts I resoved to go. It would only be an hour, right? We could handle being apart for one hour, right?

Then, I got the babies up, gave them lots of kisses and love, gave them a bath, played and then it was time to go.

It’s interesting that when I slipped in the drivers seat without any tiny humans in their carseats, I felt so free. I was thrilled to being alone.

(I hate admitting that. Does that make me a bad mommy?).

I drove the 3 miles to the nail salon and sat for a solid hour and didn’t speak one word. I was totally silent watching “The View” on TV and enjoying someone rub and scrub my feet.

It was glorious.

Again, am I bad mommy? Are these normal feelings?

Don’t they look great?

So, I did it. I left them and did something for myself. Even though I thoroughly enjoyed it, I still feel guilty.

What is wrong  with me????

Anyway, now, what to do with this hair? It hasn’t been cut for nearly a year and needs help. Any ideas?

Please excuse the no makeup. It’s how I roll these days. 

This was the sickest day of all, last Wednesday. Brother even watched a full 2 minutes of TV show before trying to jump off the bed.

Ya know those Facebook posts that says things like, “Everyone in my house is sick. Prayers needed,” or “Sickness is everywhere in my family, I’m the last man standing.” My newsfeed seems to be full of these kinds of status updates. I see them and don’t think much about them. I mean, kids get sick, right? No big deal.

Well, that is, until MY kiddos get sick. You see, we have been blessed with extremely healthy babies. In fact, Bitzy hasn’t even been to the doctor once since her 2 year well check-up 6 months ago! I love, love, love taking care of my little miracles in sickness and in health, but I gotta tell ya, I’m not used to the sick stuff. It’s tough.

A few weeks ago I had this whole guilt thing about how they weren’t be socialized enough and what a terrible mommy I was, yada, yada, yada. So I made plans to have a play date every single day of that week.

Silly me. 

I forgot about the small detail of GERMS.

I know, I know…it’s good for them and all of that. But after being in the sick trenches for a week I’m really doubting it.

They don’t know how to handle it and I surely don’t either. When they get sick, it’s a doozy.

My sick little sweetheart Bitzy. 

So last Monday afternoon they both seemed a little, “off.” Then, cue the snot. Oh, the wondrous snot. It came out of nowhere and is still pouring like rain.

So basically for 8 days straight we’ve been in this house. That’s right. We did try a “nature hike” on Saturday and a walk today, but mainly we’ve been at home. You see, I’m a firm believer in keeping kids home when they have any kind of disgusting goo coming out of their bodies. I don’t want other kids goo on my babies or vice versa. Goo is gross.

I know that other people (ahem) do not subscribe to this, and for that, I would like to ask you to reconsider. Please remember that next time you want to take your snotty children to the library (aka: germ factory), the nursery at church, the playground, wherever, please remember the 8 days, 8 DAYS PEOPLE, that I have been trapped in this house.

Last Friday (Day #4 of sickville), I took them to the doctor just for fun. I mean, I know it’s “just” a cold, but they seemed to be particularly miserable.

Lo and behold for the first time ever my Bitzy had an ear infection. I couldn’t believe it. Brother was perfectly fine, well, except for the green snot pouring out of his perfect tiny nose. “Just a cold,” the doctor said. First of all, there is no “just” in this childs cold. Secondly, didn’t you go to medical school? Give my precious little nugget something to make all the yuckies go away.

I mistakenly thought that getting the magic pink medicine  for Bitzy would be a cure-all for my sweetheart, but alas, she’s still a sicky. Granted, she’s MUCH better than she was, but she’s not quite herself.

This was a real low point for me. I actually allowed my children to eat ice cream for dinner since they’ve been on an eating strike. 

For example, she slept 14 hours straight last night: that’s NOT herself (normally, she’s good for a solid 12). Or today when we tried walking to the park and I carried her most of the way there and back: that’s NOT normal. Or the fact that the child has barely eaten at all for a week: NOT normal.

On top of all this she’s cutting her 2 year molars and her hands are constantly in her mouth. That’s not great for the whole germ issue.

So there you have it…I’ve been in sick mode.

BTW: On top of my precious ones being sick, Zach and I have been sicker than dogs as well. But as they say, misery loves company.

The good news? I think we’re mostly out of the woods. Despite the neverending snot, I do think the worst is over, thank Jesus in heaven.

The silver lining here is that I realize how much I take all of our health for granted. What a gift it is! There is nothing like being super sick and missing being healthy so much to make one appreicate the joy of feeling great.

Well, and the snuggles. I’ll take the snuggles any day of the week.

Throwback to 1997. My besties Brooke, Caroline, Karen and me. 

Among the interwebs there is a wave of “open letters” and lists of coulda, shoulda, wouldas about the past and offer advice. Some are wonderfully insightful.

Almost always blogs annoy me in their constant negativity, but in this case, I love the theme of looking back and offering advice to other folks…especially when it’s uplifting and positive.

With that in mind, today I am going to begin a series called, “Could.Shoulda.Woulda.” This series will include letters and lists to my former self, letters to young girls, young men, mommies and strangers.

I love the thought of rehashing the past and putting a positive spin on it to (hopefully) encourage others. I hope that this series will do just that.

So, here we go, here’s my very first little story of this series:

Top 10 Things I Wish I Would Have Known in High School

1. Your mother isn’t an idiot. She knows much more than you think. If you show her respect, chances are she’ll respect you right back.

2.  Wearing short shorts/skirts often make your legs look bigger than they actually are. I know that all your friends are wearing them and it’s hard to find modest clothes, but you can find modest shorts and skirts. Your legs will look much better in mid thigh shorts. Trust me on this.

3. Speaking of modesty, I know it’s hard to understand that boys look at your body before you heart. I still have a hard time understanding why it’s so difficult for guys to look into my eyes first, rather than my chest. But ya know what girls? That’s just the way they are made. God made men and women very differently. Part of the wisdom of growing up is understanding that you can curb their lust for you by your clothing. If you dress and act modestly chances are that boys will treat you more respectfully.

4. You’ve probably said or at least thought, “I don’t care what they think about me, I’ll do what I want.” You’ve probably thought this about your parents, siblings, friends or teachers. But darling, as a former 13 yr. old I can tell you that really, you do care very much. Very, very, very much. Don’t let your hormones and emotions get away from you enough to ruin your reputation, because sweet girl, your reputation means everything.

5. While I’m on the subject of reputation, let me give you a gentle reminder that your reputation will be with you forever. The decisions you make now will absolutely effect you later in life. I know that it seems like these four years are taking forever  and you’re bored and frustrated and annoyed at everything in your life, but acting out physically and/or emotionally is not productive. I still regret some of the ways that I treated people in high school based on my bad attitude. Every relationship you have in your life matters, treat them gently.

6. The Bible offers this extremely wise advice in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character.” I know that you love your friends. Maybe you’ve known them for a long time, maybe you just met. Either way, if they are drinking, doing drugs, having sex, stealing, cheating, and/or any other questionable activity, please hear me on this, it is not your job to fix them. It is not your job to be a good influence on them. It is not your job. It is not your job. It is not your job. Walk away from those friendships and invest in people that believe in good things. Luke 6:45 reminds us that “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” That means that whatever you are putting in, comes out. For example, if you are around negative, cursing, bitter people, guess what? Eventually rather than you raising them up they will bring you down. Don’t forget, how you spend your days is how you spend your life. Do not waste it with people that aren’t good influences on your heart and soul.

7. Boys. I know that you like them. I was a bit boy crazy in high school actually, so I know all about it. It’s awesome to get attention and for boys to say nice things, I know that. I really do. But I also know that in almost every single instance dating in high school is a mistake. You’re just too young. You are. You really are. You are too emotional and the boys are too hormonal which is never a good combo. The best case scenario is that you won’t endure massive heartbreak, the worst case is that you will. Enjoy your life with your friends (both boys and girls). Be foot loose and fancy free! Dance, laugh, sing, play sports, be in plays, be in every single club if you want, but resist the urge to get a boyfriend. You’ll thank me later.

8. Stay pure. This one is a tag-along to the one before. I’ve mentioned a few times that boys are hormonal basketcases during high school. Remember? It’s okay. God made them this way. Chances are that at some point you will feel pressure to have a physical relationship with a guy (even if it’s just a kiss). You’ll have romantic intentions and have Taylor Swift playing in your head as he reaches for you. But honey, please hear me. Taylor Swift isn’t playing in his head. He’s probably hearing something a little more like David Guetta’s “Sexy Chick.” Even if he likes you for your heart, when you tempt his hormones, it will be incredibly hard for him to resist you. This is a compliment to you sure, but you are playing with fire if you think your raging emotions and his raging hormones should ever be left alone together. Play it safe, don’t be alone with a guy. Like, ever.

9. Planning for college is important. Where you go is important. Studying is important. It’s all important. BUT, don’t allow the pressure of college to weigh you down. Remember that God loves you more than you know, if you allow Him to guide you, He will. He’ll do a much better job than you ever could.

10. Always remember that you are beautiful. On the inside and out. I know there’s a lot of pressure to be skinny and beautiful, but please realize that you, my love, are the daughter of the King. You are the apple of His eye. When you feel pressure, just remember that. You are loved by the Creator of the whole wide world. Proverbs 31 is a great chapter of the Bible to hang your hat (and your heart on), “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

So there you go, this is going into my Bitzy’s baby book, because sadly, someday my baby won’t be a baby anymore and I’ll tell her all these things. Excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep about that.

Do you guys have anything to add? Did I forget something important? Disagree with any of them? Do tell!

Baby girl,

Today your Daddy said that you were 2 and 1/2 years old. Of course I corrected him and said, “She is NOT 2.5 yet.” We still have 1 more day until you’re officially 2.5 darling.

I used to hate when people would tell the age of their children in months after they turned a year old. You see, I knew much more about parenting before I actually became a parent. It’s part of the irony of parenting I have come to realize.

But then, when I had you I couldn’t bear to just say “She’s 1!” Because there is a lot of difference between 12 months and 23 months. And now there is a lot of difference between you being 24 months and 30 months.

I think I’m going to start saying, “She’s 2.4.” As in, you are 2 years and 5 months. Is that weird? Do you think people would think I’m crazy?

Regardless, you are magical as per usual these days. You say the most fantastic things all day long. Here are a few examples…

“I’M A JOEY! A BABY KANGAROO MAMA! THAT’S ME! A JOEY. I LIVE IN AMERICA AND SOMETIMES SAN FRANCISCO. AND YOU ARE KANGA. A JOEY’S MAMA. WE ARE A FAMILY IN AMERICA!”

“IS GAMMY YOUR MAMA? AND YOU ARE MY MAMA? WHO IS DADDY’S MAMA? AND WHERE DID BROTHER COME FROM AGAIN?”

“I LOVE MY BEST FRIEND ANNA. SHE PICKS ME UP WHIRLS ME AROUND LIKE A LITTLE PTERANODOM.”

I’m clinging with all my might trying to keep you as tiny, fragile and young as possible. But time, my love, just won’t stand still. You keep growing, learning and becoming less like a baby every single day. In fact, you are quickly moving from being a baby to a little girl.

This is both heart warming and heart breaking in one fell swoop.

Yet, one thing remains, your pure and beautiful heart continues to amaze me. You are so kind and loving and your gentle spirit inspires all those around you.

You, my love, are something special.

I pray each day that God will not only protect you and keep you safe, but that He will anoint you to do His work all over the world. That you will be a part of a movement to remind people that God made each of us for His glory and renown.

So now only one day away from your half birthday I want to remind you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You were carefully knit together in my womb for a purpose sweet girl. A beautiful, mysterious plan that only God knows. He has gone behind you and ahead of you to prepare your way into this world and honey, I am so thankful and proud to see what all He has in store for you.

Someday when you read this I want you to hide these words in your heart. To know that your Daddy and I have prayed for you every single day of your life, that you are worth praying for. That you are amazing, important, smart and kind. That you belong to us, and most importantly that you are loved by so many baby, so many.

I honestly do not think it’s possible that I could be more proud of you. My heart bursts with pride and love for you darling.

Happy half birthday sweetie pie delicious, I love you to the moon and back.

Mama

One box of spaghetti noodles: $.99

One jar of spaghetti sauce: $1.99

Watching these two little miracles eat spaghetti = PRICELESS.

My Bitzy? Never a dull moment. 

Here are the top ten reasons that I am getting more and more boring in my old(ish) age.

1. Smart Start is my favorite cereal. Bye-bye Lucky Charms and Special K with Berries, Smart Start has stolen my heart. The combo pack of oatmeal and cereal has me smitten indeed. I have a bowl everyday for lunch.

2. I receive Good Housekeeping Magazine. Granted, I didn’t pay for it (it was a freebie), but still. It does come in my mailbox.

3. I own lots of cardigans. Lots of ‘em.

4. Now I don’t buy cutesy bras. I buy bras that offer support. I can thank nursing for 2.5 years straight for that one.

5. I care about documentaries now. Granted, I still love my tween shows, OTH, The Vampires Diaries, Grey’s Anatomy, etc., but documentaries are becoming more interesting to me.

6. Not only do I check People.com everyday, but FoxNews.com and MSNBC.com as well.

7. I really, truly want a new vacuum for Christmas. I would rather have one than jewelry, clothes or any other fun toy. Just a new vacuum pretty please.

8. My favorite Saturday date night is spent cuddled up with my Zach, watching a movie and eating popcorn. I’ll leave going out to the young folks.

9. I actually wondered what my cholesterol count was the other day. This mere thought makes me feel about 75 years old.

10. I would rather read a cookbook than almost anything else. Fiction? Nah, hand me that Joy of Cooking Cookbook.

Do you feel old and boring too? If so, how? Please make me feel better about my absolutely amazingly wonderful boring life!!! Ha!

Meet our new addition.

No, we aren’t pregnant nor did a stork mysteriously land on our doorstep and deliver a baby into my arms.

Although I wouldn’t really mind Mr. Stork paying us a visit. Someday, that is.

Anyway, there is a new little one in our house.

She shall be named,  To-To.

You see, it began innocently enough.

On Saturday Zach had a great idea for what to do after naptime. He wanted to go to a nearby outdoor mall, walk around and eat dinner. It would be a change of pace for our little family.

We N-E-V-E-R do things like this. I literally could count on both hands the times that we’ve been out to eat with our babies. We just don’t do it. #1. As I’ve said before, eating out is a total waste of money. #2. It’s risky. My babies are very well behaved and happy little people almost all the time…but I’ve been in enough restaurants where kids start losing their minds and screaming their ever lovin’  heads off to know that things can get ugly very quickly. #3. It takes too long. I don’t know about your kiddos, but mine require a lot of physical activity. They both needs lots of running around/crawling around time. Restaurants are generally too slow for us.

We opted for a quick option and went to Five Guys for dinner = Delish. Then, carried onward to one of the greatest marketing schemes I’ve ever witnessed: Build a Bear.

Bitzy was smitten from the first moment, what with the big solider bears out front. She’s a sucker for Teddy Bears and soliders. The combo pack was almost too much to handle.

When we explained that she could pick out any animal she wanted she immediately went for the kitty, as she dismissed my plea for the 50% bunny rabbits. Go figure.

So she got the kitty and we took her to get her stuffing and her little kitty heart put in. Of course it was a mere $5 for the kitty noise and ONLY another $4 for the thumpety heart beat.  Since we had already been sucked into the magical world of Build a Bear, why not?

As the nice lady put the heart into the kitty she said, “Okay Bitzy, what is your Kitty’s name?” Without skipping a beat Bitzy said, “TO-TO OF COURSE.”

Of course! Remember that this child has never seen The Wizard of Oz so I have no clue where the name To-To came from.

So, friends, we have a To-To.

But wait! To-To would not be complete without a very cute outfit now would she?

When we went “to the mall” as Bitzy said to pick out her clothes it was declared that “TO-TO NEEDS PINK. PINK IS HER FAVORITE COLOR EVER!”

Hence, what To-To wants, To-To gets.

Bitzy picked out a very cute pink ensemble of a pink shirt and matching pink skirt. I was actually impressed at how well the outfit matched. My girl has got style!

As we were checking out the genius saleslady said, “Now did you remember To-To’s panties?”

Bitzy says, “MAMA, TO-TO NEEDS HER PANITIES! WE MUST GET THEM SO SHE CAN GO POO POO PEE PEE IN DA POTTY!”

Of course she does.

There went another $3.50.

Although I will say that since Bitzy has been fairly resistant to potty training, I was willing to pay $3.50 for a pair of kitty panities if it would encourage Bitzy to give up her diapers.

I’m happy to say that when we got home Bitzy “taught” To-To how to go on the potty, but since I’m getting a firm “NO FANKS,” in regards to going again. Ha!

The best part? My Bitzy was beaming the entire time. She was so thrilled with this little kitty. And really, she has barely let go of her since.

Money well spent friends, money well spent.

I vaguely remember a time when I was fearless. I would ride my bike as fast as I could down the steepest of driveways as my handlebars were literally shaking. I would normally crash, end up with a bloody knee and climb the hill once more to do it all over again.

I drove fast, laid in the tanning bed (gasp), and felt incredibly invincible. 

I’m not sure if this is a product of youth, or my own special combo pack of ignorance and negligence. Whatever the case, I didn’t worry about anything. Well, except for boys. I do admit being a bit boy crazy back in the day. 

Anyway, I’m not sure what happened. Or when it happened really. The worry, I mean. When did I become a worrier?

But really, the term worry to me brings up thoughts of old women biting their nails and pacing around the house, so let’s call it anxiety instead shall we? When did I become so anxious?

I’m gonna blame pregnancy.

Growing a tiny human turned my carefree heart into an anxious one. The second I saw the word “pregnant” the panic began. And really, the “what ifs.”

Ah, the “what ifs.”

I am infamous for the “what ifs” and “you just never knows.”

For that, I will blame Google.

In fact, Zach has banned me from Google altogether.

Literally.

I am banned from looking up any kind of illness, disease, infection, horror story, accident, child sickness/death/syndrome. You name it, I am banned from it.

Know why? Because for some reason I am very impressionable. The words of the stories stick with me. And not in a good heartwarming way. In a panicky, unhealthy way.

Now that I’m a mama I realize that I’m not exempt from the troubles of this world. Anything could happen to me and mine at any time. And it may not make sense…and the kicker: I have absolutely no control over it.

I think more spiritual people than me probably find comfort in this. But honestly? It scares me to death.

At the same time, I hear some stories and think that they could never happen to me. Like the tragic story of a 12 month old baby who drowned in the bathtub last year after being left alone for 15 minutes while his mother was downstairs checking her Facebook.

To me, that’s simply neglect and it really doesn’t scare me because I would never do that.

However, the stories of stillbirth, childhood cancer, ALS, heart attacks, car accidents, and all the “what if” stories that are completely out of my control can put me into a panic if I let them.

So yesterday afternoon Bitzy, Brother and I were playing outside. I filled their little turtle pool with water and put the water table up and sat with them as they splashed and played. We were having a blast.

We had been out for awhile and I saw a spider gliding through the air as it was building a web. It was actually fairly interesting to see. Brother had pulled up on the water turtle and Bitzy was at the water table. They were about 3 ft. apart and I’m in the middle of the two. I pull Gracie over to me, kneel down and show her the spider. I had my back turned from Brother for about 5 seconds. Literally.

When I turned around, he had gone head first into the pool with his legs still up on the side and his arms down. I immediately pulled him out as he coughed and cried. As I wrapped him up I began sobbing and thinking of all the “what ifs.” Meanwhile Bitzy began hugging my leg and said, “It’s okay Mama, don’t cry. It was just an accident.”

And that’s the thing. Accidents happen. I get that. I just don’t want one to happen here. Ever.

I would love to end this little story with some kind of inspiration or silver lining, but friends, today terrified me in a big way.

Do all Mamas struggle with this? Is it just me? Do I just need to trust God more? Fix me people! I’m driving myself bonkers and really today did me no favors with the water incident.

Help!

My children are animal lovers. They both are completely obsessed with animals, animal noises, looking at animal pictures, petting animals, watching mommy and daddy act like animals (which I’m sure the masses would love in all it’s ridiculousness). If it’s an animal of any kind my babies are smitten.

So, last fall we got a zoo membership on a whim and honestly, I think it’s the best (baby related) money we’ve ever spent. On average we go once a week and love every minute.

Recently we discovered the tapir at our zoo and Bitzy is tapir crazy now. She wants to watch tapir videos, make tapir noises, color them, act like them. Her favorite game is that I’m the mama tapir and she’s the baby. It’s actually quite hilarious.

Meanwhile, my laid back baby boy sits in the stroller eating his snacks, just as happy as can be.

The zoo? It’s always a big hit.

But on days like today when it’s 70 degrees and breezy with the sun shining brightly, it’s absolute heaven.

Everyone seemed to have a skip in their step today at the zoo, we all were walking on sunshine. It was wonderful to see everyone so happy!

Anyway, here are some pictures from our zoo excursion today.

 If you have a zoo near you, do yourself a favor and check it out. I bet you won’t regret it!

PS: Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE being a stay-at-home mama lately? Ah, I love it more than words can say. 

 

It’s about that time again.

Ya know? The time when I start hollering at everyone to save money.

To take the time to save, save, save. 

(Have you missed my other Save little stories? If so, check them out here).

I’ve become the crazy person at “The Wal-Mart” peeking into other shoppers carts and telling them the price matches for their items. Yup, you heard me. I’ve mostly been thanked, but I’ve also gotten some very, um…how you say? Unthankful peeps as well. Go figure.

Anyway, it appears that not everyone is as pumped to save money as I am. Which is CRAZY to me.

The other day someone said that couponing “just isn’t for me.”

What does that even mean? Saving money doesn’t interest you? I am dumbfounded by this. Doesn’t everyone need more flexibility in their budget?

I understand that everyone is busy. In fact, I understand the feeling of being totally overwhelmed with life in general.

And I also understand the feeling of being completely consumed with worry about money.

Is that you? Are you laying awake at night wondering how you’re going to pay for this or that? Worrying about the future for you and/or your children?

Not too long ago it was me.

Being a stay at home Mama is absolutely my dream come true and I wouldn’t trade it for a million trips to Disney World, but in all honesty, it’s hard on the wallet. Losing an entire salary is tough. But as I have found in my own life, it is entirely possible to spend less and stretch out a dollar longer than you ever thought possible.

Some of the ways that we’ve saved significant amounts of money over the past year probably seem like no-brainers to you, but to me? They were new and very challenging, but have paid off big time!

Here are some of the ways we’ve adjusted and learned to save more and live on less!

1. Always, always, always turn the lights off when you leave a room.

2. Always, always, always shut the door when you leave a room.

3. Get your HVAC system serviced twice a year to help with efficiency. In the long term this will significantly lower your heating/cooling bills over the course of the year.

4. If you have tiny babies, try as best as you can to breastfeed. Not buying formula is a major money saver. (Plus a zillion other amazing benefits).

5. Price Match. This to me, is a no-brainer. If you have a WalMart near you this will save you hundreds of dollars a month. Get you sales papers and price match. It’s easy peasy. Also, if you have an Aldi near you they have incredible prices on produce. You can price match at “The Wal-Mart” and save big.

6. Coupon. Yes, it takes time. Yes, it’s a lot of work. Yes, it’s totally worth it.

7. Stockpile. I have a stockpile of everything from frozen vegetables and meat to toothpaste and dishwashing tablets. It’s very freeing to not have to run to the store everyday because we’re out of an essential. If you watch the sales and coupons you can find incredible deals and stockpile those items to use at a later date. It’s also a wonderful resource that allows us to be generous to others. It’s amazing to walk into our basement and make a care package for someone that would retail for $100 and know that it cost us a fraction of that cost.

8. Planning. I only go to the store once a week. Period. This includes CVS, Walgreens, Target etc. I only go to one store: “The Wal-Mart,” once a week for our groceries. When I go, I make a very detailed list and stick to it. This means that I have no impulse purchases. I go in with a budget and I do not go over it. Before I began my saving money adventures I would spend nearly $100 a week on random trips to Target or Walgreens. Inevitably, I would buy items that we didn’t need. And I wondered why we always seemed to be broke!

9. Online Shopping. This is my weakness friends. I love Amazon.com with a love that will never die. So this has truly been a struggle for me. I REALLY have to limit myself to only (and I mean only) buying what we need. I spend time researching prices and never, ever impulse buy. Again, this is an ongoing struggle for me, but it’s paying off. If you use a click through service like Shop At Home you can get money back from your purchase. It’s normally anywhere between 2% and 20%. I normally get a check for around $30 per month just from clicking through their site. If you shop online a lot it’s a really great incentive. I also use retailmenot.com often for coupon codes. This is especially great for free shipping deals. I have gotten AMAZING deals online and rarely pay shipping for anything.

10. Gas. This one is hard to swallow. Since gas has jumped to $4.00 a gallon we really limit where we go. And really? It’s been great. There is no reason for me to cart 2 babies around the city 7 days a week and spending hundreds of dollars on gas. I understand that if you’re working and/or have kids to chaffour you may not have a lot of control over this, but I do (and many of you do too). I have found that simply being concious of where we’re going has made a huge difference.

11. Do your own hair. I know this one is a toughie. Here’s an example to hopefully inspire you. I paid $100 every 6 weeks (ish) for a cut and highlights. That comes out to $867 a year on my hair. Insanity people. Now, I price match and coupon a good ole box of color. It’s normally $9.99 a box, price matched to $6.99 and with a coupon, it comes out to be $3.50. That means I’m spending $30.34 on dying my hair per year. Granted, I’ve only gotten one haircut this year and really need one…but you get the picture. Paying for color is absolutely crazy.

12. Never, ever pay full price for clothes. Ever. I have never been a yard sale/Goodwill shopper. I just do not seem to have much luck as some of you do. Instead, I have found that scouring the clearance racks and coupling with coupons can save a ton (and can often be as inexpensive as Goodwill)! A great example of this is my Mama. Recently at JCPenny she found snowsuits, both jackets and pants for $2!!! They were very cute, seemingly well made and only $2 per set. Now, for the next several years my babies have great snowsuits! My family is a great example that you can wear cute clothes and get them for very little money. (Sidenote: it is VERY rare to get these kind of deals online. It’s almost always better to get the lightening clearance deals in the store).

13. Accept hand-me-downs. It’s kind of a game with Bitzy. Some mornings when I put on her clothes and tell how how gorgeous she looks she’ll say, “WHO GAVE DIS TO ME MAMA?” because she knows how many of her clothes were either handed down from family members or bought for her by someone. This, to me is completely precious. She’s learning all about not only being generous but accepting the generosity of others.

14. Do not eat out. I know that’s very strong. But if money is tight, eating out is the #1 way to throw your money away. Let me give you an example. This week at the store I’m going to get 13 cans of chicken “nuggie” soup for my Bitzy. It’s one of the few foods that has meat that she’ll actually eat. I’m going to price match it at $.69 per can. Coupled with coupons I’m going to pay $5.97 for 13 cans. So basically for 2 solid weeks I can feed her lunch for $6. If we go through the drive thru at “The Nuggie House,” her happy meal will cost around $4. Do you see how insane eating out is? I’m not saying that we don’t do it, because we do. It pains me greatly, but we do occasionally. But the beauty is that when we do it’s an event. It’s not commonplace for us to go through the drive thru or eat at a restaurant, so when we do it makes it much more special. Zach and I used to spend hundreds of dollars a month on eating out. Now, we spend about $30 total per month on restaurants (and I still think that’s too much! Ha!).

15. Finally, some of the best advice I have ever been given is that not buying an item is the best way to save money. I find myself getting wrapped in sales and great deals and often overlook if we really need the item. The best way to save money is not to spend it in the first place!

So there you go friends! There’s a small list to help save money!!! These are very small and doable steps to help YOU spend less and save more!

And it wouldn’t be right for me to sign off before showing you a recent shopping trip now would it?!

Here are a few items that I got!

21 Bags of No Yolk Noodles: Retail: $1.98 per bag. After Match: $.98 per bag. After Coupon: $.58 per bag.

Dora Easter DVD (from the Easter Bunny): Retail: $9.97. After Match: $7.97. After Coupon: $4.97

Tyson Spilt Breast Chicken: Retail: $1.98lb. After Match: $.98lb.

Fugi Apples: Retail: $2.47lb. After Match: $.98lb.

Green Peppers: Retail: $.97 apiece. After Match: $.33 apiece.

Thomas English Muffins: Retail: $2.98. After Match: $1.49. After Coupon: $.99.

After all was said and done I saved 74% on this shopping trip. You can do this too!!!! If I can, so can you!

Now go save some money!!!!

When I first moved to Louisville I never planned on staying. My friend Bethany and I moved here on little more than a whim. It was August of 2002. I had recently graduated from college the previous May and had just landed my first real job. To say I was excited would be an understatement.

It seemed like a fun place, and hey, why not? We were 22, had a new shiny college degree and were ready for an adventure!

Trouble was, after a few months of our VERY! EXCITING! ADVENTURE! I was a bit homesick and frankly, the luster of a new place was wearing off. Annoying things like bills, boys and responsibilities were wearing me down.

Little did I know that God was beginning to do a great work in my heart.

One wonderful thing about moving to a new place and not knowing anyone is that I was truly up for anything. New small group? Sure! Blind date? Of course! Trying out for a play? Certainly! Go on a retreat? Sign me up!

During this period of life when I was new in town and totally unattached I began diving into all things church related. This was the first time ever that I was totally focused on God’s Word and how it applied to my little life. There were no other distractions.

And something happened. Something real. Something beautiful.

I discovered a man named Jesus.

He wasn’t a white guy in a robe or a sickly skinny fella like all the old paintings suggest.

Nope, not at all.

Quite the opposite really.

I discovered the power of His Word, the Bible. I learned that not only does He teach us in the Bible that He is good and kind and loving, but that He’s fair and just. He is mighty to save.

The Sunday School version of Jesus that I always had in my mind was being transformed through the power of the Bible.

And to be honest, this period of my life was really tough.

I was struggling with how this new Jesus that I’d come to know, could ever love and forgive me. I spent many nights awake in tears praying for God to restore my heart to be like His heart. To make me better, more like Him.

In a journal I had during this period I wrote the following around the Easter season…

“The tragic beauty of the cross is almost more than my heart can bear. I feel so broken. So alone. How could you have died for me? How? I really don’t feel like someone very special. Someone worth dying for? No way. Paul talks a lot about grace in Acts and I’m totally baffled by it Lord. I know that you’re God for goodness sake, but I am really struggling with guilt about all the yucky things I’ve done. I’ve hurt people Lord. I don’t want to live in guilt forever, but right now You just seem so big and I’m so small. I’m having a tough time understanding how You want me.”

This was written in March of 2003.

Since then, slowly but surely I have come to understand more about the character of Jesus. Not only His selfless love, but His power. How living under His authority gives me much more freedom than I could ever have living on my own.

I am no theologian, by any stretch of the imagination. There are much smarter and more well read people than me. But I can tell you what I know to be true. In fact, this truth rushes through me and pounds at my veins from the inside out. Like my heart is crying out for something bigger than this earth, something more. It’s like my soul is thirsty and only God can quench the thirst. Ya know? Have you ever felt that way? Like you just need something that this world can’t satisfy?

This truth that I know? My secret?

His name is Jesus. He died for you even though you (or I) am not worth dying for. But He thinks we were. He loves you. Even though you can’t imagine how.

And now? Today we celebrate that He not only died for you but He rose from the dead to live with you forever.

That truth? Well, it changes everything.

Tonight when I laid Bitzy down and told her one last story I said, “Now it’s time for sleep, because in the morning we get to celebrate that Jesus is alive!” And she said in her most innocent, precious 2 year old voice, “Okay Mama. Can He come and visit us now? I would like to meet him He sounds so precious.”

Oh baby, he visits us every day, every minute. And He is precious. The most precious thing that we’ll ever know.

I can’t wait until my babies are old enough to fully understand the meaning of Easter.

Until then, I pray that someday they will understand the purity and beauty of Jesus’ sacrifice.

And I pray that you will too.

“The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He is risen, just as He said.” Matthew 28: 5-6.

He is Risen indeed.

There will come a day when there aren’t boxes of toys placed in nearly every room of this house.

There will come a day when Bitzy doesn’t ask me to give her “milk and books” several times a day.

There will come a day when Brother will not press his face into my neck to snuggle when he wakes up in the morning.

There will come a day when they will be able to dress and entertain themselves and won’t need me quite so much.

Honestly, I find this truth heartbreaking. I love supplying for all of their needs.

But the thing that I find the most heart wrenching? Someday they will worry. They will worry about what to wear, boys and girls, dances, colleges, friends, jobs, money, wars…they will worry.

Now? They worry for nothing. They live a fun and carefree life, full of joy and hugs and love and play.

Can I tell you how much I love that?

I am so blessed and thrilled that God has allowed us to give them such a wonderfully worry free life. And how I wish that I could freeze time and keep them tiny forever. Oh how I wish. Since time refuses to freeze, I’m gonna soak it up. Every bit of it.

I’m soaking up a random ladybug purse laying on the chair in the living room.

I’m soaking up the footed pajamas that line my washing machine.

I’m soaking up the seemingly hundreds of paci’s that are hidden in every pocket of my jeans and every drawer in the house.

I’m soaking up the giggles, peek a boos and endless kisses that are freely given throughout the day.

I’m soaking up the babbles, clapping and “firsts” from my baby boy.

I’m soaking up the songs from “Yo Gabba Gabba” that run on repeat in my head.

I don’t want to miss this friends, not even one second. Because, this life? It’s good. Really, really good.

Bitzy: “I NEED A NAP IN BRODDERS BED. CAN YOU TURN THE LIGHT OFF MAMA? PEASE MAMA? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I?”

Me: “Actually, I was wondering if you want to go to the zoo today! It’s a beautiful day in the Hundred Acre Wood.”

Bitzy: “UM NO FANKS MAMA BEAR. JUST STAY HOME.  I TIRED AND READY FOR A GOOD NAP!”

Me: I pick up Brother and put in safely on my hip. We turn off the light and close the door and count 1-2-3-4-5.

Bitzy: “GOOD MORNING MAMA, I AWAKE! BABY LION TOOK A FANTASTIC NAP!”

Me: I walk in, turn the lights on, “Oh yay baby lion! Did you have sweet dreams? What did you dream about?”

Bitzy: “I DREAMED ABOUT MAMA, DADDY, BRUDDER AND FLAMINGOS AND BLANKETS OF COURSE.”

Me: “Wow, that sounds like a great dream. What happened in your dream?”

Bitzy: Tapping her chin…”WEEEELLLLL, YOU SEE, THE FLAMINGOS WERE TRAPPED AND I HAD TO SAVE THEM. BUT DON’T WORRY, I SAVED THE DAY! I’M SUPER BITZY!”

Me: “I’m so proud of you! You’re so very brave.”

Bitzy: “YES, I AM. AND SMART AND PRWETTY TOO MAMA. AND ALSO? I LOVE BABY TAPIRS. THEY ARE MY FAVORITE. THEY ARE SO PRECIOUS. I LIKE TO HOLD THEM AND PET THEM AND TELL THEM THEY ARE MINE.”

Me: “Oh, yes, baby tapirs are precious. I love them. Wanna go to the zoo today and visit them?”

Bitzy: “UM…NO FANKS. JUST STAY HOME.”

Me: “But it’s so nice outside. Maybe we can go outside at our house and play with our playground. Or maybe take a walk? What do you think?”

Bitzy: “NO FANKS MAMA. JUST STAY HOME. I’M TIRED, I NEED ANOTHER NAP IN BRUDDER BED.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s lovely outside. Jesus made the most glorious day for us to go on an adventure.”

Bitzy: “NO FANKS MAMA. I GOTTA GO TO SLEEP. CAN YOU GO AWAY PWEASE AND TAKE LITTLE BABY WIT YOU? I TIRED AND NEED A NAP.”

Me: “Sure thing. Good night, I love you.”

Bitzy: “GOOD NIGHT MAMA.”

Me: Same routine, close door and count 1-2-3-4-5.

Bitzy: “I’M AWAKE! GOOD MORNING MAMA. I HAD THE BEST DREAM EVER!”

Me: “Oh wow, what did you dream about?”

Bitzy: “I DREAMED THAT WE STAYED HOME ALL DAY AND PLAYED WIT OUR VERY OWN BABY TAPIER NAMED BROTHER BEAR. NOW, WE NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE HOME AGAIN. YAY!”

Me: “Oh, okay. I love you baby lion and I love baby boy tapir but I think leaving home sometimes is so fun! Maybe the zoo?”

Bitzy: “I LOVE YOU TOO MOMMY TURTLE. I’M TIRED AND READY FOR A NAP. WE JUST STAY HOME, OK?”

It’s looking like the zoo ain’t gonna happen today!!! Ha! Such a fun life!

Today is Monday.

Normally Bitzy goes to her Lolly’s on Monday for a day-o-fun. They play with the chickens, puppies, paint, color, make messes and do all the things little girls should do with their grandmas. It’s beautiful to me that my Bitzy is loved by and loves her Lolly so.

This leaves me with Brother. It’s nice to have a day to focus on him and him alone. He is a wild man these days. Quickly crawling across the floor, attempting to pull up on just about anything. He’s full of energy, hyper even. All boy, already.

He takes 2 naps a day, a short 45min.-1 hour in the mornings and a longer 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. This leaves me with a quiet house and long to-do list on Mondays.

It’s my big cleaning/laundry day.

I do my “big cleans” on Monday and Fridays with swifter sweeps throughout the week. With Brother crawling I’m, how you say? Crazy? Yes, that would be it, crazy, about keeping my floors clean.

This is a blessing and curse. I love having a clean house, but I don’t love cleaning it.

But really, that’s one of the things that annoy me about myself most.

I love being too skinny for my jeans, but hate working out.

I love praying God’s Word, but hate memorizing.

I love an organized closet, but I hate organizing.

Again, I love my house being clean, but I’m not so into cleaning it.

Get my point?

It’s the cause and effect of life.

Cutting through the routine of life to see the simple beauty in our everyday.

Seeing the piles of folded laundry and being thankful to have a family to do laundry for.

The agony of going through something excruciatingly painful to see the restoration and blessing at the end of the tunnel to only realize that it’s truly only the beginning.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t just want an attitude of gratitude but a culture of gratitude. Rather than sulking about cleaning the house I want to take that thought captive and thank God for a house to clean. When Brother wakes me up in the middle of the night rather than being frustrated I want to thank God for the blessing of a perfectly healthy child. When I sit at a blank screen willing myself to write funny things and nothing comes, I want to be the kind of person that thanks God for allowing me to experience patience and ask Him for the words. What would He have me write today?

Sadly, I am not this person. Not even close. I’m not sure if I ever will be. But I want to be, oh how I want to be. And honestly, I know that the only way to become this person is putting in the time and work. To practice gratitude constantly throughout the day. To truly be thankful for each step, every word, every breath.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

This, my friends, is my prayer for me and you today.

Happy Monday!

It is no secret that sleep has been a real struggle in our house. From Bitzy’s first days until now, sleep just doesn’t come easily. In fact, the days of sleep training her I still recount as some of the hardest days/nights of my life. Something about watching your 9 month old scream for hours every night for a solid month has left scars. Just on me mind you. She’s the happiest little thing, sleeping 12-13 straight every night. Naptime, on the other hand, is a constant struggle. One day she’ll sleep for 3 hours and the next day she will play in her crib and not nap at all. Which is fine with me except for the fact that at 5:00pm she completely melts down, begins running into the walls and becomes completely delirious due to exhaustion. So, we end up putting her to sleep at 6:00pm rather than 7:00pm.

Sleep? It’s tough stuff.

And Brother? He’s getting better. Those dang teeth have given us fits, but for the past week he’s been sleeping from 6:00pm-12:00am (then I feed) and then from 12:00am-6:00am. I consider that amazing. Especially considering we really haven’t done major sleep training with him.

You see, he’s just an easy baby. Or maybe Bitzy is just super high maintenance? Either way, sleep around here is coveted and much appreciated.

That leads me to a scene that has literally never ever happened in this house. We have a motto around here. Never, ever, ever wake a sleeping baby. Not ever.

So here’s the story:

It was 12:00am last night and I was nursing Brother. With his eyes closed he suckled as the moon glistened on his cheek. It was like something out of a movie. He is just so dang beautiful. And he smells delicious. As I traced the outline of his face I was so moved by love for him. So amazed at the blessing of this baby.

Then, my mind wandered to my sleeping Bitzy in the room next door. “Is she really 2 years old?” I wondered. It seems like she was just a baby, just like Brother. I vividly remember when her tiny body wrapped around me as I nursed her to sleep when she was only 8 months old.

And then, I did the unthinkable.

When I laid Brother down and walked out, I opened the door to my Bitzy’s room. I looked over her crib and whispered, “I love you baby girl.” She immediately woke up obviously. She probably thought she was dreaming because I have never, ever entered her room in the middle of the night. Sure, I stalk her video monitor, but I never go in there.

She got up and said, “Oh Mama, I love you too, so much.”

I picked her up and rocked her. She clung to me in the wee hours of the night and I smelled her hair and neck and recounted the zillion ways that she enlists me to love her.

I remembered her as a tiny baby and tried to memorize every detail of her face. I don’t want to look back in a few years and not remember her as a 2 year old. I want to memorize her every detail. To burn it into my heart and memory and tell her someday all the ways that I have loved her at every age and stage. To remind her that I have loved her completely. Always. Forever.

I cannot promise that this will not happen again. There is something magical about holding a sleeping toddler that is rousing, playful and wild during the day, but at night is limp with sleep and snuggles up closely for protection and love.

In fact, maybe I will again tonight.

Yes, please.

Remember how I enlisted all of the interwebs for decorating advice? As usual, you all gave me wonderful tips and ideas for decorating. If you missed it, read it here.

I still haven’t figured out what in the world to do with the staircase. I’m not ready to commit to anything so it has remained the same..however, the toy situation is much better. Wanna see?

Like the good little student I am, when you told me to get baskets for the mountains of toys, I did. I started out with these from TJ Maxx…

And they were great. Very pretty little baskets they were. However, whenever they came off the shelf they began “shedding.” You know, the little bites of brown basket dirt that new baskets have? It drove this Mama crazy. I think we have established that clean floors are very essential to keeping my crazyhead straight, so the brown baskets just wouldn’t do. So, I found these little beauties at your friend and mine, The Wal-Mart.

Much better.

Have you noticed that when you first buy toys they are all pristine in their packaging, but when they get mixed with the other 10 million pieces and toys all the sudden it’s all just JUNK? So, that’s what we have here. Baskets-O-Junk.

Thankfully my babies love their junk, so for now, it can stay.

So, whaddya think?

In any other news, any other advice on the staircase wall? It’s about to give me a heart attack thinking about it. I’m totally obsessing about what should go there and I can’t seem to land on anything that I L-O-V-E.

Do tell!

Have a happy Monday my peeps!

In an effort to ignore my dirty floors I’m feeling very reflective this Monday morning.

My Bitzy is at her Lolly’s, my baby boy is sleeping soundly and the sun is pouring in through our big beautiful windows. What a perfect way to begin the week.

This weekend we laid low and stuck around the house mostly. Those are the best weekends if you ask me. The ones where memories are made with crafts, playing pretend and snuggles.

In the midst of our beautifully boring weekend there were many tickle sessions. My babies? They love to be tickled. And Zach and I know the very best tickle spots.

That’s the crazy thing about being a parent. We know our babies inside out. We know the tickle spots that will make them chuckle, also the ones that will made them roar with laughter. They have different levels of ticklishness. Have you ever thought about that? That is a very intimate detail about a person. There are friends I have had for years that I have absolutely no idea where they are ticklish. But my babies? I know every last one. I know their favorite foods, toys and how to instantly make them feel better when they have a boo-boo.

I know them. Like, really know them, better than anyone.

I remember being a bratty teenager and my Mama once saying, “I know you better than anyone.” I’m sure that I rolled my eyes and stomped away like the brat that I was, but it’s true. She does. There is something about sharing life together that is so intimate, something that you can’t really put into words. Knowing someone so completely and understanding them is such a gift.

That said, if I know my babies so well and can read them so completely, how much more does God know us?

Luke 12:7 says, “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.”

That’s right. God knows how many hairs are on our head. He knows our tickle spots too. And our tears and our sleep patterns and every single cell in our body. He made them after all.

He knit us together in our Mother’s womb (Psalm 139). He loves us with an eternal love (Jeremiah 31:3). He delights and finds joy in us (Zephaniah 3:17). He has counted our tears (Psalm 56:8).

I think that as people we all want to be known. We want to belong to someone, to be important and loved. I know that I do. It gives great pleasure to know that I am loved so completely by my family.

But more so, the greatest gift is being known and loved by my Creator. To grasp that the Creator of the whole wide world loves me. He loves me with all my ugly imperfections. He still loves me the most, more than I could ever imagine.

Of course He does. He’s my Daddy.

And He’s your Daddy too.

That truth can change your life.

The truth that God not only loves you, but knows you inside out.

That beautiful, amazing truth can give peace for the restless, hope for the hopeless, joy for the weary and love for the lonely.

That truth, can change the world.

My prayer for us all is to feel that love today in a very real and intimate way.

“Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; We are His people.” Psalm 100:3.

Amen and Amen.

I have rediscovered Pop Tarts. It was circa 1984 the last time I had one of these amazing rectangles of awesome and boy are they delicious. This could be a very, very, very bad thing.

Thanks to a certain Hulu Plus, I am all caught up on One Tree Hill. There was a time that I wondered how it would survive without Lucas and Peyton, but now I wonder no more. It is freaking fantastic.

Two words that I couldn’t spell if my life depended on it (this how I would spell them without the help of spell check)- Nessisary and Nessisarily. I just can’t seem to get it right!

I am loving NBC’s The Voice right now. Although, I could really do without Cee Lo Green’sequined jumpsuit and creepy white cat. It’s just plain weird.

Also? Is Christina sort of a cartoon character? I want to see her once without make-up. Survey says that she would look at least a zillion times better. Plus, when a gal wears that much lipstick doesn’t it get all over her kids face when she kisses him all day everyday?

Anyway, back to how I can’t spell. What about disentary? I realize that this is a word that you would only see when playing Oregon Trail back in 1991, but still, I would love to know how to actually spell it.

I cannot express to you the joy it brings me to find tiny little princess shoes scattered throughout the house. There is something so beautifully heartwarming about finding Bitzy’s pink ballerina slippers in my closet. I’m so grateful to have a little girl.

Then, tonight as I was folding clothes (my least favorite chore), I matched two itty bitty baby boy socks and told Zach, “I can’t believe that there is a person so tiny that lives in this house who can wear these wee little socks.”

Another word? Fanactical.

I want another pop tart.

I confess that these two exhaust me in a way that I never thought possible…but I confess moreso that I have never been more in love with these tiny little humans than I am right now.

Have a fun Friday ya’ll!

My Bitzy? She’s a talker. And she’s never met a stranger, well that is if said stranger is 3 feet or under. Adults? She’s more weary of, much to my pleasure. This exact scene has happened numerous times where she is begging a child to love her forever and it never fails to bring many smiles to my face. This current situation occurred at Chick-Fila’s playground with a girl around 3 yrs. old.

Bitzy: “HI! MY NAME IS BITZY. WHAT’S YOUR NAME. WANNA PWAY WIT ME?”

Girl: Stares at her. No flinches. No smile. Just stares, ignores her and goes up the steps to the slide.

Bitzy: Eagerly following her. “OKAY. YOU CAN BE MWARY AND I WIT BE JOSFPH AND MY BABY BOY BE JESUS. WE GO TO BEFWEHEM AND SHE MANAGER. OKAY? SOUND GOOD WITTLE FRIEND?”

Girl: Long gone down the slide, hasn’t heard a word.

Bitzy: Still talking to girl, “MWARY, SEE THE BWIGHT STAR? THE ANGEL SAYS ‘HI! DON’T BE SCARED, I NOT A MONSTER!”

Girl: Flies down the slide and is out the door.

Bitzy: “MAMA! WHERE MY FRIEND GO? SHE A NICE FRIEND. WHERE SHE GO, MAMA?”

Me: “I think she needs to finish her lunch with her Mama. Maybe you could go down the slide again.

Bitzy: “BUT I MISS MY BEST FRWEND! I NEED SHE. CAN I SHARE SHE NUGGIES, MAMA? PLLLLEEEASSSEEE MAMA? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I?

Me: “Well, those are her nuggies. Your nuggies are in the bag and when we get in the car you can finish them, OK?”

Bitzy: “BUT WHAT ABOUT MARY? SHE RIDING ON DA DONKEY AND NEEDS A MWANGER MAMA! BABY JESUS IS COMING OUT OF HER BELLY NOW! WHERE DA ANGEL? SHE CAN’T HAVE NUGGIES NOW! SHE NEEDS DA MWANGER?” (She begins banging on the glass yelling at the little girl through the glass). “GURL! GURL! YOU ARE MARY REMEMBER? I BE JOSPEH AND WE BE BEST FRIEND! REMEMBER, DON’T BE SCARED MWARY, GOD IS WIT YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER. THE MONSTERS WILL NEVER GET YOU. OKAY?”

Me: It should be noted that the girl is not even looking at her, and the Mama is looking at me like my baby girl has lost her ever loving mind. “Okay sweetie. I think the girl needs to finish her lunch. Wanna go down the slide one more time before we go home?”

Bitzy: “I DON’T UNDERSTAND MAMA. WHERE THE DONKEY? BUY WHY MAMA? WHY MARY GONE? SHE GO POO POO PEE PEE IN DA POTTY?”

Me: “Well, I think Mary is finishing her lunch. Do you wanna go down the slide one more time Joseph before we go home?”

Bitzy: “MINE NAME NOT JOSFPH! MINE NAME IS FANCY NANCY. REMEMBER MAMA? MWARY GO POO POO PEE IN DA POTTY RIGHT MAMA?”

Me: “Oh yes, of course. Okay fancy pants, let’s go home, OK? Baby boy needs a nap.”

Bitzy: “MINE NAME NOT FANCY PANTS, IT’S ‘BEHOLD A CHWILD IS BORN’. RIGHT MAMA?”

Me: “Um, sure. That’s your name today. Come on, Behold a Child is Born, let’s go.”

Bitzy: “OKAY MAMA. LET ME GO SAY BYE TO MY BEST FWRIND MWARY.”

Me: “OK, let’s go.”

As we’re walking out the door of the playplace she yells (loudly), “OKAY MWARY, HAVE A GOOD POOPY!”

Never a dull moment!

In the wee hours of the morning as I was rocking and nursing my sweet Brother Bear, his nightlight cast a glimmer on my beloved wedding ring. Oh how I love this ring…and oh how I love the man who gave it to me.

As I watched it glisten I recalled this story and I had to hold back my thunderous laughter as to not wake up my baby boy. Because friends, this real life story still makes me laugh.

Let’s revisit this old goody together…{originally written in February ’10}.

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My Bitzy is a mere 3 months old so the real truths of my horrible pregnancy haven’t vanished into sweet romantic memories.

I know what you’re thinking. I think he is too. The cutest kid ever, right? Right.

Not only is he strikingly handsome, he’s quite agreeable as well.

It also really helps that he’s a Mama’s boy through and through. I don’t mind this one little bit.

But I gotta be honest with you.

Teething? It’s about to put me over the edge.

My sweet, laid back, angelic baby boy has been replaced by a non-napping, whiny, fussy alien child. I know, I know, he’s in pain. I should be more sensitive. And I was, I really was, about 3 teeth ago. Now that we’re working on tooth #5, I’m ready for a break from this teething nonsense.

You see Bitzy cut her bottom 2 teeth around 6 months and didn’t cut any more until she was 13 months old. Then she got 6 teeth in one month. But really it wasn’t so bad. She handled it like a champ. And then the incisors came…OUCH. And we’re still waiting on those dreaded 2 year molars, but the great news is that Bitzy’s teething journey is coming to a welcomed close while Brother’s has just begun.

Do they really need teeth anyway? Why must it be so painful?

Also? I’m not so great at the whole whiny baby thing. It makes me nuts, like literally a little crazy. Perhaps you are one of those parents who don’t mind crying/whining and can carry on normally while your baby melts down. Me? I can’t handle it. And it’s not even that I’m so caring and sensitive and all of that, it’s more that it drives me bananas. So needless to say, over the past month of Brother cutting these teeth and being subsequently miserable, this Mama is ready for my happy boy to return. I miss him.

But there have been some smiles through the painful cries of my wee one.

Take a look:

Even through the tears, the endless amounts of Tylenol and tired eyes, he remains the sweetest little thing ever. I’m smitten indeed.

Happy Monday everyone!

Me: “Guess what?! It’s a beautiful day today and we get to go outside and play!”

Bitzy: “NO FANKS. I HAVE JAMMIE DAY TODAY.”

Me: “But look! It’s really pretty outside and we can go to the park! Do you want to go to the bird park or walk to the park in your stroller?”

Bitzy: “NO FANKS MAMA. I STAY HOME. IT IS JAMMIE DAY TODAY.”

Me: “What if we look for a Huffalump?”

Bitzy: “NO FANK YOU MAMA. HUFFALUMP IS WIT WINNIE DA POOH. HE’S TIRED AND READY FOR A NAP. HE NOT WANT TO PLAY.”

Me: “Oh, okay. What if we go to the bird park and look for duckies and birdies? Maybe we could even go down the big slide!”

Bitzy: (taps her chin), “HMMMM, OH OKAY. WIT YOU AND BROTHER BEAR?”

Me: “Yes, only me and Brother bear.”

Bitzy: “WHAT ‘BOUT DADDY-O?”

Me: (the most dreaded part of the morning when I break it to her that daddy is at work) “Well, unfortunately Daddyo had to work today. I’m so sorry, it’s so sad.”

Bitzy: (Lips quivering, head in hands) “NO! I WANT DADDY-O TO GO TO BIRD PARK WIT ME AND YOU AND BROTHER BEAR. IT’S NOT FAIR!” (as she crosses her arms. She learned this trick from a friend of hers who is 4 years old. Lovely isn’t?).

Me: “The fair isn’t coming here for a few months. They’ll be cows, bach-bach chickens, piggies, horses and lots of other animals. Are you excited for the fair?”

Bitzy: (confused), “UM, SURE. CAN WE GO TODAY? PWESE MAMA, CAN I? CAN I? CAN I?”

Me: “I’m sorry baby, the fair isn’t for a few months. Maybe we could go to the bird park instead?”

Bitzy: (taps her chin), “UMM, OKAY. CAN LILLY BELLE COME?” (one of our puppies).

Me: “I’m sorry honey, she can’t. Maybe next time when Daddy comes with us she can.”

Bitzy: “OH, OKAY. MAYBE WE SEE A SQUIR? (getting the spelling right on how she says squirrel is tough. Just imagine the cutest pronunciation possible).

Me: “Oh yes! And maybe even a goose!”

Bitzy: “NO FANKS MAMA. GOOSES ARE SCARY. THEY SAY “HONK, HONK, HONKEDY HONK!” (runs away laughing hysterically).

Me: “No, geese are very nice. Let’s get dressed and we’ll go try to find one.”

Bitzy: “UM, NO FANKS. IT’S JAMMIE DAY REMEMBER?”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s so nice outside! We can run and jump and play like Hannah” (in one of her books).

Bitzy: “OOOHHHH LIKE HANNAH? (taps chin) INTERESTING. OKAY LET’S DO IT DUDE!”

After finally convincing her to take her jammies off the above outfit is what she insisted on wearing…which clearly was much too cold for our “beautiful day” of 50 windy degrees.

Oh well, who needs the park? We stayed inside and had a “COWGUR DAY” instead.

She better go into politics someday. She’s quite the salesman.

Have I mentioned lately how much this child slays me? Ah, I just want to eat her up!

Have you ever read something that really struck a cord with you, whether good or bad, and weeks later it would randomly pop into your mind and force you to reconsider it once again?

This has happened to me many times, but this time, I feel like what is brewing in my heart must pour out. Like the words are bubbling up whether I want them to or not.

Because friends, what is brewing isn’t very popular. In fact, it’s convicting my heart to the core and I hope/fear that it will do the same to yours.

But ya know what? I started this blog to tell my little stories so that’s what I’m gonna do.

You see a few weeks ago, I read this blog by a stranger whom I will probably never meet. It made the rounds on Facebook and Twitter with mommies everywhere cheering and shouting “Hooray!”

It was a chant for mommies everywhere to join in, to admit that each day isn’t filled with sunshine, love and happiness. To admit that maybe, just maybe, motherhood is tough.

She mentions being in a store and older women encouraging her to “enjoy every minute because it goes by too fast.” (Which has happened to me many times as well). She admits the panic in living that way, suggesting that having a Carpe Diem approach to life is too frantic and too exhausting to execute everyday.

She reasons that parenthood is like climbing Mt. Everest, that you don’t truly appreciate the journey until you reach the summit. Only then can you look back and see all that you’ve accomplished.

And ya what? I get it. I really do.

I get why the Huffington Post picked it up and thousands of people read it and elbowed each other with a twinkle in their eye.

And to be honest, the reaction from so many people to the blog really bothers me more than the writing itself.

It seems everyone wants to feel justified in their frustrations with having children who are wild and crazy and don’t listen and who God forbid, act like children.

I know that I do. There are nights that I recount all the ways to Zach that Bitzy challenged me and how Brother refused to nap and how I am just so tired. I just want someone, anyone to feel sorry for me and my tiredness. But then, there are nights where I am practically dancing around the house with joy that I get to live this life and I am devastated that my babies had to go to sleep because I’ll miss them so.

It’s like the valley verses the summit. Every day can’t be the valley and every day can’t be the summit. I totally get that.

But this blog was almost a permission slip to settle for “good enough” and I have a real problem with that.

My intense reaction to this kind of thinking also stems from seeing mommies out with their littles at the indoor playgrounds and parks. I am continuously baffled at how parents ignore their children in public. The first time I experienced this was when Bitzy was around 12 months old. She was newly toddling along and we went to a local park where there are two playgrounds. One is for small children (1 and 2 year olds) and one is for older kids. As Bitzy was walking on the tiny bridge of the jungle gym I followed her and helped her up the steps, down the slide, etc. I mean, the child was barely a year old for goodness sake, she couldn’t do it by herself. As I was helping her up the steps there was a little boy. He was around 18 months. Bigger than Bitzy, but still a tiny guy. He bravely climbed up the steps and flashed me a smile. I innocently said, “Good job buddy!” as I helped Bitzy go across the bridge. As I scanned the area for his caregiver I didn’t see anyone, but that didn’t concern me too much because I was certain they were watching. After 15 minutes of playing and helping him maneuver the playground, his mommy finally appeared with her phone in hand texting. He ran up to her and hugged her and she non-chanlantly patted his back and then resumed texting. She didn’t even look at him, or me for that matter. I hadn’t seen her the entire time we were there, she just appeared out of thin air.

This was my first interaction with mommies who act like their children are a burden.

And truth be told, this situation is rare. Mostly, it’s much more subtle. Like a mommy looking at Facebook instead of playing with her kid at the playground. Or who barely looks up when her child yells, “Mommy watch this!” Or in this case, a mommy who settles in the knowledge that when the summit comes someday far away from today, then she will enjoy. Then, she will relish in her children, rather than enjoying the climb- today.

I always wonder how I would behave, parent, love, speak and spend my time if this were my last day on earth, because well, it could be. You just never know, ya know?

I don’t want to settle friends. I want the BEST. The very, very, very best. I want to lay down on my pillow every night knowing that I loved hard and spoke encouragement into the hearts of those around me. And on days I fail, I want to regret it and ask forgiveness rather than sighing and saying, “Oh well, it was good enough.”

I’m better than that, and so are you.

I don’t just want a few fleeting moments of amazingness throughout the day, I want a full day of amazingness. I want to cultivate a home where there is so much love and fun and encouragement and JOY that is springs forth in our speech and our dances and our hearts.

And when older women stop me and tell me to enjoy my babies I want to sincerely say, “I do and I will, every single minute of the day, even on the hard days.”

Because I’ll say it again, “How you spend your days is how you spend your life.” I don’t want to spend MY life complaining about the hardness, I want to relish the miracle of this life, even if I have to say it with gritted teeth as a manta over and over again to convince myself that it’s true on the hard days. I want to appreciate the opportunity to love without limits and to enjoy the moments.

But the reality is that this kind of intentional living with joy is tough stuff. It’s much easier to lazily skate throughout the day begging for bedtime. I know that, I’ve been there.

That’s why I’m so challenged/convicted/invigorated by this thought that although life/parenthood/friendship/whatever is a climb to the summit of a mountain, the climb is where we learn to take one step at a time and enjoy ourselves. We have to consciously take one step at a time and choose joy. It’s not easy, never is, but our attitudes determine the joy of the climb.

I want to love my time up the mountain, don’t you?

She keeps me on my toes.

It’s early on Monday morning and the house is at rest.

All is quiet as my precious babies sleep soundly.

Before I had this amazing family and I was footloose and fancy free, silence made me uncomfortable. Like I needed to fill the space somehow. With music, talking, movies, friends, whatever. I never just sat still and enjoyed the quiet.

Now that our house is, how you say? Bustling, to say the least, silence is so fleeting that I must enjoy it while it lasts.

Now don’t get me wrong, the “MAMA PWAY TEA PARTY WIT ME?” from the sweetest little Bitziest voice ever, is truly one of the most precious sounds in the world. And Brothers new found “MMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA” is magic to my ears. And I love playing, enjoying and loving my babies (I think we’ve well established that), but when all is quiet and everyone is tucked safety in bed I relish the silence.

Everything Bitzy does is hilarious to Brother. He is her biggest fan.

In fact, sometimes after both my babies are asleep and I walk down the stairs I literally collaspe on the couch. Motherhood is not for the weak friends. It’s exhausting work…but I can say with confidence that it’s the most fun job in the whole wide world. I have never been so deliriously happy to play all day and yet so thrilled to sit and soak in the silence after bedtime.

Tonight when I was rocking Brother to sleep (actually it was 5:30pm because he has decided that one nap a day will do, so he’s been sleeping 14 hours at night- is that odd?), I thought about how nursing is such a great opportunity to sit still. There is really nothing else to do but to sit still and nurse your sweetheart. Especially my little Curious George. The stiller I am, the better. So I pray mainly. I pray for my babies, for Zach, for peace, help, love, joy. You know, the usual. But tonight, I tried to not do anyting at all. Just to sit with not a thought in my head. Just to enjoy the silence as I gazed at my baby boy.

It took a few minutes, but finally it worked.

And I loved it.

How, how, how have I missed this phenomenon of silence? Oh glorious silence, I’ll never try to mute you out again.

God says to “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) for a reason. I’m really going to work on this, because, silence? It’s good friends, real good.

Mother Teresa so eloquently said what my heart feels, “In the silence of the heart God speaks. If you face God in prayer and silence, God will speak to you. Then you will know that you are nothing. It is only when you realize your nothingness, your emptiness, that God can fill you with Himself. Souls of prayer are souls of great silence.”

May you all experience the joy of silence today as well.