When I first moved to Louisville I never planned on staying. My friend Bethany and I moved here on little more than a whim. It was August of 2002. I had recently graduated from college the previous May and had just landed my first real job. To say I was excited would be an understatement.

It seemed like a fun place, and hey, why not? We were 22, had a new shiny college degree and were ready for an adventure!

Trouble was, after a few months of our VERY! EXCITING! ADVENTURE! I was a bit homesick and frankly, the luster of a new place was wearing off. Annoying things like bills, boys and responsibilities were wearing me down.

Little did I know that God was beginning to do a great work in my heart.

One wonderful thing about moving to a new place and not knowing anyone is that I was truly up for anything. New small group? Sure! Blind date? Of course! Trying out for a play? Certainly! Go on a retreat? Sign me up!

During this period of life when I was new in town and totally unattached I began diving into all things church related. This was the first time ever that I was totally focused on God’s Word and how it applied to my little life. There were no other distractions.

And something happened. Something real. Something beautiful.

I discovered a man named Jesus.

He wasn’t a white guy in a robe or a sickly skinny fella like all the old paintings suggest.

Nope, not at all.

Quite the opposite really.

I discovered the power of His Word, the Bible. I learned that not only does He teach us in the Bible that He is good and kind and loving, but that He’s fair and just. He is mighty to save.

The Sunday School version of Jesus that I always had in my mind was being transformed through the power of the Bible.

And to be honest, this period of my life was really tough.

I was struggling with how this new Jesus that I’d come to know, could ever love and forgive me. I spent many nights awake in tears praying for God to restore my heart to be like His heart. To make me better, more like Him.

In a journal I had during this period I wrote the following around the Easter season…

“The tragic beauty of the cross is almost more than my heart can bear. I feel so broken. So alone. How could you have died for me? How? I really don’t feel like someone very special. Someone worth dying for? No way. Paul talks a lot about grace in Acts and I’m totally baffled by it Lord. I know that you’re God for goodness sake, but I am really struggling with guilt about all the yucky things I’ve done. I’ve hurt people Lord. I don’t want to live in guilt forever, but right now You just seem so big and I’m so small. I’m having a tough time understanding how You want me.”

This was written in March of 2003.

Since then, slowly but surely I have come to understand more about the character of Jesus. Not only His selfless love, but His power. How living under His authority gives me much more freedom than I could ever have living on my own.

I am no theologian, by any stretch of the imagination. There are much smarter and more well read people than me. But I can tell you what I know to be true. In fact, this truth rushes through me and pounds at my veins from the inside out. Like my heart is crying out for something bigger than this earth, something more. It’s like my soul is thirsty and only God can quench the thirst. Ya know? Have you ever felt that way? Like you just need something that this world can’t satisfy?

This truth that I know? My secret?

His name is Jesus. He died for you even though you (or I) am not worth dying for. But He thinks we were. He loves you. Even though you can’t imagine how.

And now? Today we celebrate that He not only died for you but He rose from the dead to live with you forever.

That truth? Well, it changes everything.

Tonight when I laid Bitzy down and told her one last story I said, “Now it’s time for sleep, because in the morning we get to celebrate that Jesus is alive!” And she said in her most innocent, precious 2 year old voice, “Okay Mama. Can He come and visit us now? I would like to meet him He sounds so precious.”

Oh baby, he visits us every day, every minute. And He is precious. The most precious thing that we’ll ever know.

I can’t wait until my babies are old enough to fully understand the meaning of Easter.

Until then, I pray that someday they will understand the purity and beauty of Jesus’ sacrifice.

And I pray that you will too.

“The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He is risen, just as He said.” Matthew 28: 5-6.

He is Risen indeed.

Bitzy: “I NEED A NAP IN BRODDERS BED. CAN YOU TURN THE LIGHT OFF MAMA? PEASE MAMA? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I?”

Me: “Actually, I was wondering if you want to go to the zoo today! It’s a beautiful day in the Hundred Acre Wood.”

Bitzy: “UM NO FANKS MAMA BEAR. JUST STAY HOME.  I TIRED AND READY FOR A GOOD NAP!”

Me: I pick up Brother and put in safely on my hip. We turn off the light and close the door and count 1-2-3-4-5.

Bitzy: “GOOD MORNING MAMA, I AWAKE! BABY LION TOOK A FANTASTIC NAP!”

Me: I walk in, turn the lights on, “Oh yay baby lion! Did you have sweet dreams? What did you dream about?”

Bitzy: “I DREAMED ABOUT MAMA, DADDY, BRUDDER AND FLAMINGOS AND BLANKETS OF COURSE.”

Me: “Wow, that sounds like a great dream. What happened in your dream?”

Bitzy: Tapping her chin…”WEEEELLLLL, YOU SEE, THE FLAMINGOS WERE TRAPPED AND I HAD TO SAVE THEM. BUT DON’T WORRY, I SAVED THE DAY! I’M SUPER BITZY!”

Me: “I’m so proud of you! You’re so very brave.”

Bitzy: “YES, I AM. AND SMART AND PRWETTY TOO MAMA. AND ALSO? I LOVE BABY TAPIRS. THEY ARE MY FAVORITE. THEY ARE SO PRECIOUS. I LIKE TO HOLD THEM AND PET THEM AND TELL THEM THEY ARE MINE.”

Me: “Oh, yes, baby tapirs are precious. I love them. Wanna go to the zoo today and visit them?”

Bitzy: “UM…NO FANKS. JUST STAY HOME.”

Me: “But it’s so nice outside. Maybe we can go outside at our house and play with our playground. Or maybe take a walk? What do you think?”

Bitzy: “NO FANKS MAMA. JUST STAY HOME. I’M TIRED, I NEED ANOTHER NAP IN BRUDDER BED.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s lovely outside. Jesus made the most glorious day for us to go on an adventure.”

Bitzy: “NO FANKS MAMA. I GOTTA GO TO SLEEP. CAN YOU GO AWAY PWEASE AND TAKE LITTLE BABY WIT YOU? I TIRED AND NEED A NAP.”

Me: “Sure thing. Good night, I love you.”

Bitzy: “GOOD NIGHT MAMA.”

Me: Same routine, close door and count 1-2-3-4-5.

Bitzy: “I’M AWAKE! GOOD MORNING MAMA. I HAD THE BEST DREAM EVER!”

Me: “Oh wow, what did you dream about?”

Bitzy: “I DREAMED THAT WE STAYED HOME ALL DAY AND PLAYED WIT OUR VERY OWN BABY TAPIER NAMED BROTHER BEAR. NOW, WE NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE HOME AGAIN. YAY!”

Me: “Oh, okay. I love you baby lion and I love baby boy tapir but I think leaving home sometimes is so fun! Maybe the zoo?”

Bitzy: “I LOVE YOU TOO MOMMY TURTLE. I’M TIRED AND READY FOR A NAP. WE JUST STAY HOME, OK?”

It’s looking like the zoo ain’t gonna happen today!!! Ha! Such a fun life!

I have rediscovered Pop Tarts. It was circa 1984 the last time I had one of these amazing rectangles of awesome and boy are they delicious. This could be a very, very, very bad thing.

Thanks to a certain Hulu Plus, I am all caught up on One Tree Hill. There was a time that I wondered how it would survive without Lucas and Peyton, but now I wonder no more. It is freaking fantastic.

Two words that I couldn’t spell if my life depended on it (this how I would spell them without the help of spell check)- Nessisary and Nessisarily. I just can’t seem to get it right!

I am loving NBC’s The Voice right now. Although, I could really do without Cee Lo Green’sequined jumpsuit and creepy white cat. It’s just plain weird.

Also? Is Christina sort of a cartoon character? I want to see her once without make-up. Survey says that she would look at least a zillion times better. Plus, when a gal wears that much lipstick doesn’t it get all over her kids face when she kisses him all day everyday?

Anyway, back to how I can’t spell. What about disentary? I realize that this is a word that you would only see when playing Oregon Trail back in 1991, but still, I would love to know how to actually spell it.

I cannot express to you the joy it brings me to find tiny little princess shoes scattered throughout the house. There is something so beautifully heartwarming about finding Bitzy’s pink ballerina slippers in my closet. I’m so grateful to have a little girl.

Then, tonight as I was folding clothes (my least favorite chore), I matched two itty bitty baby boy socks and told Zach, “I can’t believe that there is a person so tiny that lives in this house who can wear these wee little socks.”

Another word? Fanactical.

I want another pop tart.

I confess that these two exhaust me in a way that I never thought possible…but I confess moreso that I have never been more in love with these tiny little humans than I am right now.

Have a fun Friday ya’ll!

My Bitzy? She’s a talker. And she’s never met a stranger, well that is if said stranger is 3 feet or under. Adults? She’s more weary of, much to my pleasure. This exact scene has happened numerous times where she is begging a child to love her forever and it never fails to bring many smiles to my face. This current situation occurred at Chick-Fila’s playground with a girl around 3 yrs. old.

Bitzy: “HI! MY NAME IS BITZY. WHAT’S YOUR NAME. WANNA PWAY WIT ME?”

Girl: Stares at her. No flinches. No smile. Just stares, ignores her and goes up the steps to the slide.

Bitzy: Eagerly following her. “OKAY. YOU CAN BE MWARY AND I WIT BE JOSFPH AND MY BABY BOY BE JESUS. WE GO TO BEFWEHEM AND SHE MANAGER. OKAY? SOUND GOOD WITTLE FRIEND?”

Girl: Long gone down the slide, hasn’t heard a word.

Bitzy: Still talking to girl, “MWARY, SEE THE BWIGHT STAR? THE ANGEL SAYS ‘HI! DON’T BE SCARED, I NOT A MONSTER!”

Girl: Flies down the slide and is out the door.

Bitzy: “MAMA! WHERE MY FRIEND GO? SHE A NICE FRIEND. WHERE SHE GO, MAMA?”

Me: “I think she needs to finish her lunch with her Mama. Maybe you could go down the slide again.

Bitzy: “BUT I MISS MY BEST FRWEND! I NEED SHE. CAN I SHARE SHE NUGGIES, MAMA? PLLLLEEEASSSEEE MAMA? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I?

Me: “Well, those are her nuggies. Your nuggies are in the bag and when we get in the car you can finish them, OK?”

Bitzy: “BUT WHAT ABOUT MARY? SHE RIDING ON DA DONKEY AND NEEDS A MWANGER MAMA! BABY JESUS IS COMING OUT OF HER BELLY NOW! WHERE DA ANGEL? SHE CAN’T HAVE NUGGIES NOW! SHE NEEDS DA MWANGER?” (She begins banging on the glass yelling at the little girl through the glass). “GURL! GURL! YOU ARE MARY REMEMBER? I BE JOSPEH AND WE BE BEST FRIEND! REMEMBER, DON’T BE SCARED MWARY, GOD IS WIT YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER. THE MONSTERS WILL NEVER GET YOU. OKAY?”

Me: It should be noted that the girl is not even looking at her, and the Mama is looking at me like my baby girl has lost her ever loving mind. “Okay sweetie. I think the girl needs to finish her lunch. Wanna go down the slide one more time before we go home?”

Bitzy: “I DON’T UNDERSTAND MAMA. WHERE THE DONKEY? BUY WHY MAMA? WHY MARY GONE? SHE GO POO POO PEE PEE IN DA POTTY?”

Me: “Well, I think Mary is finishing her lunch. Do you wanna go down the slide one more time Joseph before we go home?”

Bitzy: “MINE NAME NOT JOSFPH! MINE NAME IS FANCY NANCY. REMEMBER MAMA? MWARY GO POO POO PEE IN DA POTTY RIGHT MAMA?”

Me: “Oh yes, of course. Okay fancy pants, let’s go home, OK? Baby boy needs a nap.”

Bitzy: “MINE NAME NOT FANCY PANTS, IT’S ‘BEHOLD A CHWILD IS BORN’. RIGHT MAMA?”

Me: “Um, sure. That’s your name today. Come on, Behold a Child is Born, let’s go.”

Bitzy: “OKAY MAMA. LET ME GO SAY BYE TO MY BEST FWRIND MWARY.”

Me: “OK, let’s go.”

As we’re walking out the door of the playplace she yells (loudly), “OKAY MWARY, HAVE A GOOD POOPY!”

Never a dull moment!

In the wee hours of the morning as I was rocking and nursing my sweet Brother Bear, his nightlight cast a glimmer on my beloved wedding ring. Oh how I love this ring…and oh how I love the man who gave it to me.

As I watched it glisten I recalled this story and I had to hold back my thunderous laughter as to not wake up my baby boy. Because friends, this real life story still makes me laugh.

Let’s revisit this old goody together…{originally written in February ’10}.

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My Bitzy is a mere 3 months old so the real truths of my horrible pregnancy haven’t vanished into sweet romantic memories.

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this little story. Just thought I’d share some eye candy.

Ha! You thought I was going to say that I just started running again didn’t you?

Now THAT would be very sad story.

Because friends, that means that I would have died.

I think I’m too old to run.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Anyway, my sweet little precious ones have given me a run for the money this week.

Between Brother teething and Bitzy struggling with being very off schedule since Christmas and trying to get back on schedule, it’s been a doozy of a week.

This Mama is very excited for Daddy to be home with us this weekend.

But then, in the midst of the exhaustion, as I nursed and rocked sweet Brother bear to sleep, as his eyes got heavier and heavier he unlatched, locked eyes with me and smiled the most beautiful smile. Almost as if to say, “I love you Mama, goodnight.”

What a gift.

And then, as I tucked Bitzy into her crib with her blankies after rocking and reading, she sleepily whispered, “Goodnight Kanga, I love you.” And I smiled and said, “Goodnight Sweet Roo. I love you.”

And that my friends, is what it’s all about.

Have a great weekend friends!

The culprit

My very first post about poop was many moons ago. Read it here.

It’s sweet that I thought I was a Poopologist then. Ha, aha, ahahahahaha. Since then, I have earned several doctorates in the subject. In fact, almost every single day I wake up with a nice stew of pee and poop all over me.

Nice, eh?

You see, my sweet Brother bear has gone from being the best little sleeper ever, to, well, NOT the best little sleeper ever. Sure, he’s no Bitzy. He doesn’t hate sleep with the sincere hatred that she did as a baby, but still, I feel like we’re on a slippery slope.

{more to come on that later}.

All that said, he normally wakes up ready to eat, snuggle, cuddle around 6:00am. If I just feed him and lay him down in the crib he’ll scream his brains out, however, if I bring him into bed with me (Zach is long gone at this point) then he’ll eat and go back to sleep for another hour or two.

And clearly I don’t mind the snuggles, not one bit.

What I do mind? Him waking up every 3 hours during the night. You got that right. The child is 7 months old and he goes to bed at 7:00pm and wakes to eat every 3 hours until 6:00am.

What I mind more? The fact that his tiny little size 3 diapers simple cannot hold the massive amounts of excrement coming from his sweet little booty. I’ve tried double diapering, bigger sizes, changing him during the night…nothing works.

No matter what, ever single morning as I breathe him in and try to memorize the way his chest rises and falls, I also smell the sweet smell of baby poop as it oozes all over me.

Yummy, no?

Ah, motherhood.

Someday when I’m old and grey I will miss many things about my babies being tiny…but I have a feeling I will not miss being pooped on every.single.day.

There are many things about this picture that I love…and then some others that I find extremely disturbing.

As I always try to find the silver lining, let’s start with the positive. In fact, my friend Bethany has taught me the rule of PNP (Positive, Negative, Positive). So here we go:

Positive: Bitzy is having a blast. She’s a sucker for the playground. And the swing? Around 8 months old she began her love affair with swinging. Then, as suddenly as it started she banned all swings everywhere. Just the sight of them started her saying, “No, no, no!” Just recently she has shyly ventured back in. We’re starting slowly but surely. Kids are so strange and funny about things…

Negative: Will you look at me? I look like a frumpy Mommy. I may as well have on mom jeans. If I ever needed some motivation for Weight Watchers this is it. Well, and maybe a makeover from What Not to Wear. And I look old? When did I get so old?

Positive:  The owl hat. The cuteness just makes me die and go to heaven. Whoever came up with the concept of the owl hat needs a Nobel Prize. It just slays me. In case you need more evidence, here’s a picture of Brother wearing his too.

My Mama, AKA: Gammy got the sweet owl hats for my babies for Christmas. If you’d like to order one go here. (Linda has no idea that I’m doing this, so, SURPRISE Linda! I love the hats!!!).

Me: “Hey Bitzy Boo, would you like some water baby?”

Bitzy: “NO THANK YOU MAMA, JUST A POLAR BEAR.”

Me: “Hmmm…OK. Well, I don’t have a polar bear, but I do have some water. Would you like some?”

Bitzy: “LET ME SEE,” as she taps her chin, “NO WATER, JUST A POLAR BEAR.”

Me: “Okay, I just need to run into the dining room for a minute and pick up our new polar bear, one second.” (I walk into the dining and count 1-2-3). “OK, here’s your very own polar bear named Polly! Hooray for Polly the Polar Bear!” as I hand her a pretend polar bear.

Bitzy: “NO MAMA, A REAL POLAR BEAR, NOT A TEND ONE. PLEASE MAMA. CAN I, CAN, CAN I?”

Me: “Here’s the problem. Polar bears live in the North Pole with Santa. It would be really hard for our family to have a pet polar bear. But I do have a pretend one named Polly. Wanna play with her?”

Bitzy: “NO THANK YOU.” Then she sits in the floor and puts her face in her hands. “I’M SO, SO, SO SAD. I MISS MY BABY POLAR BEAR.”

Me: “I know baby, it’s hard. I wish we could have a pet polar bear too. Maybe we should move to the North Pole with Santa.”

Bitzy: She totally brightens up and says, “GREAT IDEA MAMA. ME, YOU, SANTA, LEONARD, DADDY AND BROTHER WILL LIVE AT POLLY POLAR BEARS HOUSE WITH HER GRANDMA. IT WILL BE AWESOME. I SO CITED!”

Me. “Of course it will be. I’m so glad we worked that out. Now, how about some water?”

Bitzy: “SURE MAMA. SOUNDS GREAT, I VERY THIRSTY.”

Whew.

Bitzy is a baker!!!!

Every single day I wonder why in the world God has blessed me so incredibly. I am selfish and prideful and rude and arrogant and many more horrible sinful flaws. I do not deserve these little angels.

They are so perfect, so innocent.

They rely on Zach and I for everything. In a way it’s incredibly comforting to know that I am able and willing to provide for their daily needs, but also their need for love, comfort and encouragement.  But in another sense it scares me to death. I am not qualified for this position! I didn’t take a test or study for this job. Somedays I feel so unprepared.

Brother all snuggled at the park!

This week as Zach has been on “staycation,” my job as a stay at home mommy has been exponentially easier. Right now we’re playing a man-to-man defense which is WAY easier than my usual zone defense Monday-Friday.

To tell you the truth I’m so nervous for Monday! Including the weekends he’s been off for 9 whole days!!!! Even though we didn’t go on a fancy vacation, it has been amazing.  We went to the park (even in the freezing cold), the zoo, the science center, and even had a few PJ days (my personal favorite).

An added bonus was that Brother decided this week that he hated taking naps. So, unfortunately we had a few days that he screamed his ever lovin’ brains out for an hour. If I were here without Zach I cannot promise that I would have let him cry…but with Zach I was strong, and yesterday our sweet baby boy slept for 3 hours straight for nap!!! Amazing.

So tomorrow to further increase my nervous nerves we’re heading back on the Weight Watcher train. It’s been a full month of debauchery, but it’s time to get back on the system. And, in case that wasn’t enough we’re going hard core on the Dave Ramsey Financial Freedom plan.

I’ll be writing more this week about all of these fun things:).

Hopefully I’ll still be in my right mind to write!!! Ha!

Have a happy Sunday!

I’m a little late to the party on the whole 2012 thing.

What a surprise, I know.

You see, Zach is on “staycation” this week, which is honestly the greatest, greatest, greatest thing ever. Why must he work I ask? Why can’t we just live on love? Why can’t be heirs to a bazillion dollar inheritance?

Questions for the ages I tell ya.

That said, things like writing a little story have been far from my mind. I’ve been too busy playing peek-a-boo and tea party. Which in my opinion are activities far more important than writing.

Does that hurt your feelings? Don’t take it personally.

So now that I’m officially four days overdue in writing the obligatory New Years Resolutions blog post, I figure that I’ll just skip it. I mean, clearly I want to lose weight (who doesn’t?), pray more, love harder, be better. Of course. But, resolutions just seem so, how you say, cliche.

Last year at this time I wrote this post. While we haven’t written a children’s book (yet!), we have successfully accomplished all of our other goals which makes my heart happy.

Some highlights from 2011:

We birthed the worlds most precious son. He is truly a blessing straight from the hand of God. To say that we are in love with him doesn’t do our deep love justice. He is truly amazing.

Our Bitzy has grown and changed so much in the last year. She is incredible. Last year at this time she was grunting and pointing, now she is singing songs and counting to 25. She’s simply a miracle.

In the past year our house payment has doubled and our income has been cut in half, yet we have still managed to not go into debt. This to me is a major accomplishment.

I have begun what I like to call, “The Great Coupon Adventure” and I love it. It’s saved us a bundle and it’s very, very, very fun.

But more than anything, I am grateful that in 2011 God taught me so much about who He is. About what a loving Father He is, how much He loves us all and how available He is to us. I am so amazed that I get to be His daughter.

So friends, as we begin the journey into 2012 I wish you all good health, happiness, and more than anything, love. Sweet precious love.

Thank you all for helping make 2011 amazing. Here’s to making 2012 even better!

Classic Bitzy.

Me: “Hey! I have an idea. Let’s go downstairs and eat bacon and read books!”

Bitzy: “UMMM…MAMA, DO ME A FAVOR AND MAKE ME SOME OF PIGLETS HAYCORN COOKIES FIRST. AND MILK AND BOOKS. OKAY MAMA? RIGHT MAMA?”

Me: “Sure thing! I just made you some, here they are.” (we are playing pretend you see. In fact, we’re playing pretend about 95% of the time).

Bitzy: OH MAMA. THEY ARE DELCIOUS MOMMY DARLING. YOU GOOD BAKER COCO. MAMA IS YOU NAME COCO MOMMY?”

Runs in the other room laughing.

Me: “Yes! My name is CoCo for sure. Mommy CoCo needs you to come downstairs and eat bacon. I know that baby CoCo is hungry, right?”

Bitzy: “MINE NAME IS NOT COCO. IT’S PRINCESS DARLING DARLING. RIGHT MAMA?”

Me: “Okay Princess Darling Darling, would you like to eat some royal bacon?”

Bear in mind that I am pushing bacon harder than the meth addict at the Wal-Mart because…

A. Bacon is awesome.

B. Brother is fussy and ready for a nap. In order to feed him and give him said nap, I need for a certain 2 year old to be still for about 6 minutes downstairs while I get Brother to sleep upstairs.

C. She is starving even though she doesn’t know it. A sure fire way of knowing that she’s hungry is her incessant begging for milk. She’s ALWAYS been a milk addict, but when she’s hungry it goes from “I WANT MILK!” to “I WANT MILK MAMA, MILK, MILK, MILKY, MILK!” And if she’s really starving it goes, “I WANT BRUDDERS MILKY MILK. I WANT HIS CAKE.” You see, she insists that “Brudders milk” tastes like cake. Granted, she has barely eaten cake in her short life, but really? My milk tastes like cake? Maybe I should market my magic cake milk.

And I digress. Back to the story.

Me: “Listen baby, we really need to go downstairs because Brother is fussy and Mama needs to put him down for a nap.”

Bitzy: “NO WAY MAMA. MY BABY IS NO SLEEPY. HE IS HAPPY BOY! HE MY BABY BOY, BABY BOY, BABY BOY. BRUDDER AND SISSY ARE BEST BUDDIES. MAMA! I WANT MILK. MILKY MILKY. PWEASE MOMMY, I NEED MILKY. BRUDDERS MILK. NOW MOMMY PWEASE!”

Me: “Baby, let’s have a happy day, not a sad day, OK? Don’t make me put you in time out. I’m going to ask you one more time to go downstairs OK. Do you understand?”

Bitzy: “SURE MAMA. BABY COCO DARLING DARLING LOVES BACON AND BABY SOOOOOO MUCH. AND CINDERELLA TOO. WES BEST BUDDIES.”

Me: “Great! Let’s go Darling Darling.”

Bitzy: “NO NO NO NO NO NO! MINE NAME IS SISTER BEAR, NOT DARLING DARLING. YOU SILLY MAMA.”

Clearly, my method isn’t working. I try a different approach.

Me: “Oh Bitzy! I think that Santa may have left a very special prize for you last night. Let’s go downstairs and get it!’

Bitzy: “OH SANTA! I LOVE HIM. HE IS SOOOOO NICE! HE GOT RUDOLOP AND ELF TOO. HE IS SO SWEET MAMA! OKAY LET’S GO MAMA!”

Me: “Great idea! Let’s go!”

Meanwhile I scan the room for a toy, book, crayon, ANYTHING that she hasn’t played with for awhile and may have forgotten about, but I got nothing.

So we get downstairs (finally) and she says, “OKAY! WHAT MY PRIZE MAMA?”

Me: “Guess what?! Santa brought you a baby brother! Sweet Santa! He brought you the best Christmas prize ever!”

Bitzy: “YOU SNEAKY MAMA. YOU TRICKED ME AGAIN! HOW ‘BOUT BACON TIME?!”

Clearly, this ain’t our first rodeo.

Ya know those moments in life where you want time to stop? The moments that should be frozen in time and celebrated again and again?

We had one of those yesterday.

Typically Monday mornings are tough because we’re all adjusting to Daddy being at work. I know that sounds silly, but it’s true. Bitzy especially has a tough time. It’s a real heartbreaker when she wakes up in the morning all bright eyed and bushy-tailed and in the middle of reading books, rocking and nursing she looks at me and says, “WHERE DADDY AT?” I say, “Oh baby I’m so sorry, but Daddy is at work.”

Then the cries come.

The desperate, “NO, NO, NO. I WANT MY DADDY. I MISS MY DADDY. HE COME HOME NOW?”

It’s truly pitiful.

After she rejoins the world from the pit of her despair we all have to readjust.

That said, sometimes Mondays are a good day for an adventure. We get out of the house and “go to town” as my Mama would say.

So yesterday we had some errands to run, nothing major, but a few things that needed to happen. Things like picking up a prescription, using a Groupon at the store, and picking up an order at the mall.

Note: This is literally only the second time in Bitzy’s life that she can remember ever going to the mall. We’re just not really mall people. We’re Amazon.com people.

Anyway, picture us strolling into the mall in our Cadillac double stroller (which is somewhat like driving a tractor trailer. It’s big and loooooonnnnggggg), while I’m wearing Brother in the Bjorn. Bitzy is all, “WOW, WHOA, DID YOU SEE THAT MAMA? AWESOME! DOWN, PLEASE DOWN MAMA! I GET DOWN, DOWN, DOWN PLEASE!” Note that she’s just looking at racks of clothes and imagining how she can destroy as many displays as possible. It’s not like little elves are dancing at her eye level. Just boring racks of clothes.

I really resisted the urge of letting her frolic aimlessly in the department store, so we finally made it out into the mall  as I was convincing her to be patient.

But then, oh then it was all worth it. “MAMA, DID YOU SEE? IT’S A HORSEY IN THE SKY. IT’S A SUPERHERO HORSEY IN THE AIR. OH MAMA, THANK YOU FOR MY WATERFALL HORSEY IN THE JUNGLE!”

There is a place in one of our malls here with a pond of sorts. There are coins in the water made from hundreds of wishes and horses dancing through the sky. There are even huge palm trees.

When I looked around through 2 year old eyes, that is exactly what I saw. Horses flying through the sky and waterfalls in the jungle. As she looked around, she was amazed. Truly amazed. Then, she made up a story about the horses. “MAMA, THE HORSEY IS STUCK IN THE JUNGLE. I SAVE THEM. I SUPER BITZY BOO!”

And then, she said, “WHERE ALL DAT MONEY GO? I NEED MONEY TOO!”

I told her that sometimes people make a wish and throw money into the water and their wishes all come true. Then I said, “Bitzy, what’s your magic wish?”

She said, “I CLOSE MINE EYES AND MILLIONS OF WISHES FOR MY MOMMY TO BE BEST FRIEND ALWAYS. AMEN!”

And then, I died from delight.

All the while, my baby boy is laughing at Bitzy like she is the funniest thing in the world (which she is, if you ask me).

This simple moment was absolutely magical.

After lots of storytelling and laying on the ground looking up at the jungle (Bitzy, not me), and even laying on her belly gazing into the water (and me asking her NOT to lick the floor), I convinced her to run, run, run and find “The Nuggie House.” AKA: Chick Fila.

While we’re “running” which is really a whole lot more like prancing, we walk by a store that has music blaring. She stops and says, “MY MUSIC! IT’S TIME TO DANCE EVERYONE! I DANCING, I TWIRL. I A BALLERINA! MAMA, YOU DANCE WIT ME?”

Oh my goodness. Seeing my beautiful precious girl twirling and dancing in circles and literally making every person within ear shot smile from ear to ear, well, it just made my heart sing.

So, we danced. My Bitzy, Brother and I we danced right there in the middle of the mall with our tractor trailer stroller and diaper bag for a good 5 minutes. She didn’t want to stop…

And neither did I.

Dear time, please stand still. I’m having the time of my life.

My beautiful girl,

Yesterday at 6:17pm you turned two years old. This truth seems unbelievable to me. In some ways if seems like you were born just yesterday, and in others if feels like we’ve been together forever. I barely remember life without you.

You have absolutely, in every way possible, made the world a better, more beautiful place. Especially the world as your daddy and I see it. You are so delightful, so beautiful. You make every day sweeter. I cherish every single day that I get to grow with you. You make me better. In fact, you and your brother are the very best things I’ve ever done.

You have such a sensitive, sweet spirit. You are smart, kind and most of all FULL of life.

Tonight as I rocked you to sleep I was reminded that while you are now two, you are still very much a baby. And I must admit, this gives me great joy. I want you to remain a baby forever, my baby.

Sadly, someday you will not want me to rock you to sleep, but I hope and pray that you will still gaze into my eyes and say, “I love you mama, so much” as you did before drifting off to dreamland.

And then, tears will slip down my cheeks as they did tonight, because baby, I love being your mama and I’m so grateful that you love me back. God picked you out for me and me out for you. We were made for each other.

Your daddy says that we’re just alike. We are both hyper, clumsy, silly, loud, emotional, we laugh easily, and we know what we want and when we want it (which isn’t always a good thing). I get you, Bitzy boo, I really do. Perhaps the reason that I can read you so easily is that we are so much alike. Just like yesterday when you began having a meltdown over something silly, rather than disciplining you, I simply took you in my arms, sat you on my lap and held you. You just needed a break and I knew it. Sometimes I just need a break too sweetheart. Maybe we can always take our breaks together.

Most of all, I want you to know how loved  and wanted you are darling. You are loved by so many. Your daddy and I prayed and begged God for you. We never, ever could have imagined the blessing He had in store for us in you. He is good like that.

I want you to remember that no one on earth loves you as I do (although your daddy is a close second). I will always, always, always love you no matter what. But as much I love you, God loves you more. And I pray every day that you will love Him back, because He has loved you since the beginning of time sweetheart. He is so good. Trust Him, Love Him and Know Him as your own. This is my prayer for you my love.

I love you to the moon and back…Happy Birthday dear baby, happy birthday to you.

Mama

Some days I feel as if I could sit down, put my fingers on the keys of my laptop and words would burst out of my soul. I would write beautiful, smart, witty things that would inspire and provide laughter to the masses.

But shockingly, a 22 month old and 3 month old really don’t care about said minute and demand my full attention.

Hence, I guess we’ll never know if those words truly would pour out of me.

Probably not.

I would get distracted by People.com or the mountains of laundry that need to be folded and put away and then those words would be bottled for another day.

The real truth is that when the babies are finally asleep I am far too exhausted to spell my name much less write anything that is coherent, much less meaningful.

That said, the utter exhaustion that I am experiencing is the most precious place that I’ve ever been. These sweet babies are growing so rapidly that I can hardly keep up.

Bitzy’s language development is tripling by the day and my sweet baby boy now weighs 17 pounds! Amazing how they grow isn’t? What a wonderful way to spend my days.

Someone much smarter than me once said, “How you spend your days is how you spend your life.” So true. I feel overwhelmingly blessed to spend my days picking up toys, kissing boo-boos, changing diapers, reading books and loving on these two sweet ones. Even with Bitzy’s new term, “No way!” for everything I ask her to do, which results in time-outs and tantrums, and with Brothers new desire to only sleep in my arms (which clearly I LOVE), I am amazed that I get to be with them all day, every day. It is a gift that humbles me.

So, at this point in my life no profound words will be written anywhere but my heart, as I desperately try to memorize the moments that are flying by.

Maybe when I’m 50 I will write something fabulous.

Until then, this is all you get.

Ha!

I hope and pray that God grants me a long life to experience all of these “somedays.”

Someday when I’m older I will stop a young mother in the store and say, “Cherish this time, it goes by too fast.”

Someday I will gaze into my grand babies eyes and swear that it was just yesterday that I held their daddy in my arms.

Someday I will look back on these days of frustration about naps and time-outs with Bitzy and laugh at how silly I was.

Someday I will zip up my beautiful daughters wedding dress and remember singing “Zip-a-dee-doo-da” every night as I put on her jammies.

Someday I will sit on the porch with my Zach and remember these days of library and zoo trips. The snacks, the nursing, the spit-up. I will cry and pray and beg God to protect my babies, to keep them safe and to give them a heart of kindness and love.

Someday I will cry tears of joy for the gift of these beautiful children, for the opportunity and privilege I have to be their mommy…just as I’m doing now, because it’s true: It just goes by too fast.

Someday will come before I know it. So…

Today I will cherish.

Today I will love.

Today I will laugh.

Today I will hug.

Today I will rock.

Today I will enjoy.

Random picture for you. Sometimes my “excited eyes” become my creepy eyes. Yikes. Good thing my girl is SO CUTE.

As I sit, my two miracles are napping, I just took a shower, cleaned two bathrooms and sat down to write something wonderful for you, my sweet friends.

But, as I have suspected for awhile now, my brain is only firing on half cylinders. I have stared at this screen for five minutes without one original thought. And then I remembered a friend of mine once told me that after she had kids (she has 4), she lost some intellect and gained strengths in organization, multi-tasking, cooking, etc. At the time I thought she was nuts…but now, has this happened to me?

I can cook dinner with a baby on my hip with no problem, but for the life of me I cannot spell.

I can fold and put away laundry all while dancing like a champ to the Hokey Pokey, but I can’t remember the words to the Star Spangled Banner (could I ever?).

I am teaching my 22 month old how to count to 20, but I can barely remember how to do long division.

Am I alone here? Perhaps it’s exhaustion or forgetfulness. Maybe my brain will snap back.

All I know is when I look at this screen, my ideas take a nap and I’m left to wonder what kind of mush my brain will become with a couple more kiddos.

As I have said before, I don’t really understand grammar. Sure, I have a basic understanding and I try to not sound like the total hillbilly that I actually am (thank you mountains of NC), but overall, I have more questions about grammar than I have answers.

Rather than taking responsibility for this shortcoming, I’ll blame it on public education. Blame is the American way after all. Darn public schools! It’s all your fault! (Truth be told I was probably combing my hair or drawing pictures of rainbows rather than actually learning whether I should use “I” or “me” or when to use that blasted apostrophe).

All this to say, my precious Bitzy has formed quite the vocabulary these days. The word “sponge” comes to mind. You say it and she’ll repeat it. It’s incredible!

So while I won’t become an English professor anytime soon, I may have a future in Toddler Translation.

You see, Bitzy’s words aren’t exactly clear.

So I am her self designated interpreter.  

Here are some examples:

“LADY, STOORY, BIRON, COW, MOO, PEAS, FANK YOU, WECOME, NICE, SHWEET.”

This is translated, “Today at the store, we bought a barn with a cow and bird. We gave it to the lady at checkout, she was nice and sweet. We said, please and thank you and she said, ‘You’re welcome.”

Another? “CHIDREN, TEENY, JEEZSES, SONG, PEAS.”

Translation: “Can we sing Jesus loves the little children please?”

More? This is fun, no? “MAMA, MILKY, COUCH, HELP, PEAS, TEENY, BOOK.”

Translation: “Can we sit on the couch with the baby, read a book and drink milk please?”

I know that I’ve said it before and I’m sure to say it again, but every single day is better than the last with these little people. It is shocking how much fun it is to be a mommy. I knew that I would love my babies, but I didn’t consider the absolute JOY they would bring.

These days my friends, just get sweeter and sweeter.

Or SHWEETER and SHWEETER as my Bitzy would say.

When I’m in the midst of a millions beautiful moments I continuously vow to capture them in my mind and lock them in. I can’t imagine ever forgetting the tiny details that seem to make up my every day.

But then, I did and I do.

I forgot all about newborn cross-eyes.

How could I forget this? It’s just about the cutest thing ever. My little sweetheart will be looking around smiling away and the next thing you know his sweet little eyes are crossed.

I forgot all about newborn squeaks.

The yummy sounds of contentment from a precious new life.

I forgot all about spit up.

Yup, I sure did. No worries, now I am very familiar.

I forgot about burping.

The first two weeks of my darlings life I didn’t burp him once. How could I forget this detail? I dunno, but I did.

I forgot about the tininess.

Even though I birthed a big boy, his features are still so tiny. His adorable little toes, fingernails, button nose, and wrinkly little tushy. In fact, Bitzy named him “Tiny” the day he was born. She met him and said, “Tiny Baby” and ever since if you ask her his name she says, “Tiny.”

I forgot about the intensity of the love.

With Bitzy, I have had 20 beautiful months to fall head over heels in love with her. I know her likes and dislikes. I understand her broken English, I can read her moods. I know her. In fact, I know her better than anyone. She is my heart. My precious gift, my miracle.

But with Brother I love him just as hard as Bitzy amazingly enough. How did my heart grow a million times bigger when I met him? Can a heart explode from loving too much? I hope not because I am seriously smitten. Don’t get me wrong, I knew that I would be. But I forgot about the intensity…the amazing gift of a mommy’s love for her new baby…I simply forgot how it felt to experience it.

But don’t worry, it’s all coming back.

Life is so good.

*Thank you to www.kathlynparrottph​otography.com for the beautiful photography!

I’m gonna go ahead and warn you, I’m full of all sorts of post-partum lovey dovey hormones, so if you aren’t in the mood for a lovefest then I suggest that you stop reading here…

Because friends, I gotta tell you, I’m in love, I mean IN LOVE, with my “station” in life at this very moment.

There is truly not a day that goes by that Zach and I don’t talk about how blessed we are to live this life. How absolutely incredible our Bitzy is. How miraculous it is to have a new tiny human, Brother, that has entered our family and has integrated so easily. How beautiful it is to watch our babies grow each day, learning and experiencing new things.

This life, it’s a miracle.

A beautifully blessed miracle.

Today while Brother was taking one of his epic 3 hour naps (amazing I tell you), Bitzy and I were playing in her room after she woke up from her nap (yes, they were both sleeping at the same time, thank you Jesus). Before I put her down for her nap we read the Golden Book version of Alice in Wonderland. After her nap she wanted to read “ABBIT, ALICE, AGHEEN,” translation: Rabbit, Alice, Again. So we read it again and then she hopped off my lap and started looking under the ottoman and saying “ABBIT, HOLE, TEA, COOKIE, HAT, ALICE!” At first I couldn’t figure out what in the world she was doing, then when I got in the floor to look  under the ottoman to see what the world she was babbling about, it dawned on me. She was playing pretend that Alice and the White Rabbit had a hole under the ottoman in her room where they went to the tea party with the Madhatter.

SERIOUSLY? My 19 month old is in an imaginary world and is allowing me to be a part of it. Have I ever had more fun in my entire life you ask? Nope. Never. We played Alice in Wonderland in her room for a solid hour, just me and my girl. How in the world am I so lucky to live this life?

And my baby? My tiny little precious baby boy is 4 (whole) weeks old. He’s always hungry and growing like crazy, and he’s healthy. Amazingly, beautiful, miraculously healthy. This fact is not lost on me. I think of all the sweet people that spend their days in the NICU with their littles and how incredible it is that I had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. It honestly brings tears to my eyes that he is so beautifully healthy.

I’m not gonna lie, the past 4 weeks of having a newborn with a young toddler hasn’t all been easy and sunshiny. There have been moments where both the babies were screaming, I’m carrying them both up the stairs while the phone is ringing and someone is at the door and I am about to hyperventilate from the stress of it, but for the most part, it’s been a beautiful transition. We are continuing to grow and figure out what works and what doesn’t, but all in all, we’re enjoying one big lovefest up in here.

(This would also be a good time to give a shout out to my amazing husband, my partner and my love: without you, this family wouldn’t work at all. You are the cheese to all of our macaroni.)

I’m still not sure why and how I get to live this life, but boy am I thankful.

What are you thankful for today?

I have heard many photographers say that they experience life through a camera lens. It’s a cool thought I suppose, but clearly, I am no photographer… (even though the camera is attached to me at all times). Ya see, I am obsessed with soaking in every single moment of this beautiful life. I not only want to experience it, but capture it…to freeze it in time.

As I look at these pictures my cup truly runs over. What  an amazing life God has blessed me with.  It fills me with an urgency to encourage your hearts to truly LIVE today. To soak it up, to breathe in the people around you and to ENJOY life.

I admit, life isn’t fair. Sometimes it seems there is much more bad news than good, and it feels like there aren’t too many beautiful moments to savor…but oh there are. Ya just gotta look…

Do you even remember being so filled with joy? Being completely free to run, dance and to be free? If not, Bitzy will teach you.

When was the last time that you played so hard that you had to change clothes 3 times in one day?  And finally you just said “forget it” and accepted the dirt on your pants as a badge…can’t remember? Bitzy’s got some experience.

Do you recall ever being completely and utterly infatuated with mud? I mean, it is kinda cool if you think about it. It’s all slippery and slimy! No? Spend a mud filled afternoon with Bitzy and she’ll reacquaint you.

Have you held someone in your arms so tight lately that through your laughter and smiles you simply breathe them in and beg God to freeze that moment in time, because you know that in the blink of an eye the moment will be gone, never to come again.  No? Do it. You will never regret savoring precious moments. If you need help, I’m your girl. My soul bursts will treasures that are buried deep in my heart.

There are moments to be celebrated sweet friends, even in the midst of heartache.

Find them, and celebrate.

****Winner is Julie******* Yay!!! Julie was picked using Random.org and appropriately enough she’s IN LABOR to meet her brand spanking new squishy son! Congrats Julie!  Thanks again Amazing Hats!!!!

I am not a hat person.

I admit it.

They don’t look cute on me, they look awkward and make me feel strange.

I admire women who can sport a good hat.

Let’s take (almost) Princess Kate.

She makes hat wearing (or make that feather wearing) look effortless and graceful.

While Kate is a beauty, she’s got nothing on Bitzy.

My girl can rock a hat.

See? Not only do you train your babies to wear hats but to clean house. Clearly.

All this can be yours friends!

Amazing Hats has offered to giveaway one free hat (up to a $15 dollar value) to a lucky winner!!!!

Are these the cutest or what???

To enter simply leave a comment after this post telling me why you simply MUST have a hat for your sweet bundle!  Then, for an extra entry, go to Amazing Hats Facebook Page and “Like” it.  Then leave a comment mentioning this giveaway!

Winner will be picked on Saturday at 9:00pm.

Good luck!

Love to all,

Remember all the talk about me moving…ahem, or perhaps all the whining.

It’s true. I hate moving with a hate that will never die.

But now, we’re all moved in and the drama has ceased. I guess you could say that we’re finally settled.

We painted every room in the house (except the Master Bath) and did tons of cosmetic/decorating work. Fortunately, there wasn’t a ton of mechanical issues with the house so we got to skip all of that!

We also have an unfinished basement that is already plumbed and framed and we’re hoping to finish it this winter…but that’s a whole ‘nother Oprah.

Anyhow, we feel so incredibly blessed to live in this house and still are in awe that God has blessed us so lavishly.

(I don’t know why we continue to be surprised by God’s extravagant blessings…He is our Father and Provider after all).

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13

We had our old house on the market off and on for nearly 2 years and it simply wasn’t the right time. So many nights Zach and I would lie in bed in utter confusion that God wouldn’t let us move.  We felt that we were “doing all the right” things, but still, God continued to say “NO!” Don’t get me wrong, we had a great townhouse that was sufficient and certainly provided a roof over our heads…but we really wanted a house with a yard.

Now, in hindsight we see that God had gone before and prepared the way to give His best…and He has.  We are so, so, so blessed.

Anyway, many of you have asked for pictures…so here they are!!!!

Welcome to our home!

Master Bedroom! This room is at least twice as big as our old bedroom. We LOVE IT.

Master Bath. Isn’t it amazing? It’s heavenly.

Our Kitchen. At our old house we literally had 5 cabinets. It was a wreck. Look at all this space! It’s dreamy!

Downstairs Half Bath.  This bath is right beside the living room and kitchen. Very convenient for this preggers lady.

Great Room. We love this room! We have tons of seating for friends and family…but mostly I love the color!

Guest Room. This room is dedicated to my home people in NC. It reminds me of home.

Upstairs Bathroom. In our old house we only had 1 full bath so having guests made life a bit crowded. It’s so wonderful to have 2!!!!

Sweet New Baby Boys Nursery! It’s finally finished! Yay!!!

My sweet Bitzy’s room! We kept her room almost identical to our other house so that she didn’t get freaked out/confused. Lord knows that we don’t need any more sleep issues!!!

Bitzy’s Closet/Playroom. Can you believe this closet? What a dream!!! She’ll really love it when she’s 16!

And now my favorite room in the house!!! Our dining room! This room has been a labor of love!!!

I am not a dancer.

I know, I know, you’re shocked.

The good Lord has graciously given me many gifts, however, coordination/grace were not on the docket of blessings for me.

However, my beautiful girl can break it down.

Isn’t she the cutest thing EVER?!

She slays me…watch.

I mean, seriously?

How did I ever get so lucky?

My sweet pea,

I fear that I’m awfully late on writing your 16 month letter simply because it’s way more fun to play with you and be with you than writing about/to you!

It’s true…you are so much fun to be with. I laughingly call you my sidekick, but it’s true. You’re my little best friend. I just love being with you, laughing with you, playing and delighting in you darling.

Playing with babies is a common theme in our house. You LOVE to put your babies to down for naptime.

There isn’t one morning snuggle time, daytime playtime or evening night-night routine that I take for granted. I absolutely cherish every moment with you…I believe that our sweet heavenly Father has given me this gift. I never tire of you…ever. I hope and pray that He will also give you the gift of appreciation of this beautiful life that we get to share together. We are blessed my love…so very, very blessed to have each other.

These days you are still completely obsessed with being outside. You love it like no other. You love your puppies (as per usual), coloring, playing with sticks, blowing bubbles and digging in the dirt. It is such a joy to watch you piece this puzzle of a world together through the wonderment of the outdoors. I’m looking so forward to the weather warming up so that we can play outside all day, every day.

Bitzy with her sweet cousin. They are so precious together.

The clock is still ticking on when your baby brother will arrive…only 6 more weeks ’til you’re a big sister!!!  You’ve been hearing a lot of this term “big sister” and I know that it means nothing to you at this point, but you’ll learn soon enough how much little brother is gonna change your life. I just know that you are going to be an amazing big sister. You are so loving and compassionate I’m positive that you will be the best big sister ever!!!

Again, I just cannot stress to enough have very much your daddy and me love and adore you. We are so grateful and thrilled to be your mommy and daddy and we thank God every day for you and your precious heart.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mama