As you know, I’m a die hard fan of Milky Way.

The marriage of carmel and chocolate is one of miracles.

I do not particularly care for carmel by itself, but layered between chocolate, I’m smitten.

Side note: since I’m now a small town gal and frequent “The Wal-Mart” I simply must get my chocolate fix every single time I go through the check out. But not just the regular one…the king size (because apparently the normal size just doesn’t cut it). That’s right. A king size. I’m woman enough to admit it.

I have no regrets.

But today, as I looked at the brown and green packaging of my kind lover Milky Way, a shiny gold package began calling my name. “Molly, Molly. Remember me from 7th grade? We had a brief, but significant love affair. Try me again. I will not disappoint.”

Twix.

Ah, Twix. It’s true. In 7th grade I gave up eating all together except for Twix.

You see, my affair with sugar goes way back.

But I digress.

So, as I’m being taunted by the pristine gold packaging I look back at my old pal in the brown and boring wrapper. “Can I really cheat on you like that little buddy? You are my faithful friend.” Then, evitabilty the justification begins. “But it’s just this once. It doesn’t mean anything. No one ever has to know.”

And then, I did the unthinkable.

I bought the Twix.

My hands tremble as I admit it.

As I was pulling out of my parking spot and trying not to hit the meth addict that was entering “The Wal-Mart” I ripped open the package with the reckless abandon of a 7th grader.

Suddenly my heart began singing like it was 1992. And right then and there I knew that it was time to break up with Milky Way.

My heart belonged to Twix all along.

So, I sang “The End of the Road” to Milky Way and then married Twix. “I’ll never leave you again love. Never.”

Is this making you hungry friends?  How about a musical snack?

You’re welcome.

Do you have any candy love affairs that you’d like to speak of. Don’t be shy. I mean, I just admitted to the interwebs that I eat a King Size candy bar at least once a week. Who does that??? Oh wait, me! I’m so lame.

Bitzy LOVES apples!

Well friends, it’s been a whole month since I got back together with my old beau, WW.

Our affairs have been intense in the past and the reunion tour I’m currently on is no exception.

You see, Weight Watchers is the perfect match for the likes of me.

What other diet program gives you the option of eating sugar all the live long day?  I love having that option, it keeps my sugar addiction intact.

Here’s the skinny.

In 4 weeks I’ve lost 11 pounds.

However, I feel like a cheater.

I get 20,490 points a day because I’m breastfeeding exclusively. I mean, that’s a lot of points. And since I value all things sugar over anything else, I’ve been eating a lot (like a lot, a lot) of sugar.

The secret to eating tons of junk food and still losing weight is simply staying within your points. It’s not brain surgery.

You see, WW tried to get all sneaky and change the points system so that you were forced to eat healthier.

Pu-lease WW. I ain’t no dummy.

Sugar always wins.

Always.

A life without Milky Way is no life at all.

So there you have it. WW is working yet again.

I am a life long believer in the powers of WW.

Today I tried on my “fat” jeans and they fit! Obviously, my goal is to fit into my “normal” size jeans and hopefully my “skinny” jeans (not to be confused with actual skinny jeans. Not my style folks, nope not at all) will eventually fit again soon enough.

So progress is certainly being made! More updates to come sooner than later.

Anyone else out there in cyberspace losing weight/wants to lose/loves sugar?

Anyone? Am I all alone in the world of WW?

Do tell!

1. The other day I ate 12 miniature peppermint patties in 1 minute. That’s right. There was no timer or contest, it was just me eating them ravenously. I don’t regret it. In fact, I’m kind of impressed with myself.

2. Also? I love Samoas guts. Like, really love ‘em. There is no limit to how many I could eat. While I have no record (yet), I love them with my whole heart. Thank you Girl Scouts, thank you.

3. Oh, and I love this too. That’s right. It’s my new bath tub! Every time I look at it, “Hello Lover” pops out of my mouth. Historically I’m not really into taking baths, I’m much more of a shower kind of girl…but with this beauty, times, they are a’changin’.

4. Also, I’m bigger than a barn. It’s true. I stood beside a barn today and practically swallowed it. It’s a real situation. My doctor assures me that I’m measuring “right on”…but I know he’s lying. If I’m having twins and he’s not telling me I’m gonna be real upset.

5. Speaking of twins, praise the Lord that no one has asked me (yet) if I’m growing two tiny humans in my womb. I think I may just burst into tears if they did. But we should get the tissues ready, because it’s inevitable. Some idiot will ask me and I’ll have to blush and say, “no, just the one” and then I will verbally abuse them in my head for the next 50 years of my life.

6. The other day I had a thought about what I was really good at. Ya know, like really good at…and NO LIE, three things popped into my head. 1.) Being a wife. 2.) Being a mommy and 3.) Being the best dang chubby bunny competitor on the planet. The fact that I am positive that I could beat anyone, anywhere, in a chubby bunny competition is a bit disturbing to even me. Do I need counseling?

7. I love my new house. LOVE IT.

8. Do all mamas think that their child is the cutest kid in the whole wide world? If not, I’m in trouble…my Bitzy just keeps getting cuter every day (even if she hates having her picture taken!).

9. I’m 31 weeks pregnant in case you’re counting. Not that I am or anything.

10. And finally, in an effort to covet things that I cannot afford I want to share this beautiful patio table with you, click here. Also, I want these chairs too (while we’re daydreaming of course).  I dare say that even if I were a bazillionaire I would feel weird about spending $900 on an outdoor table and $399 PER CHAIR, that my puppies could/would destroy. So since I’m NOT a bazillionaire I think I’m going with this patio furniture instead. Good and inexpensive, just the way I like it.

Love to all! Have a happy day!~

PS: Like my little stories? I would really appreciate it if you’d vote for me here and here.

Did you know that you can get a 1/4 caffeinated beverage? You totally can at your local Starbucks. So, since being preggers if I’m extra tired in the morning I do a little drive- by and get a (tighten your seat belts, it’s intense), a “Tall, Quarter Caff, Non-fat, No whip Peppermint Mocha with no chocolate shaving. Please.”  Isn’t that fabulous?!  The rub? This morning I’m innocently drinking it and I begin to feel nauseated and dizzy, very much like a felt with my Bitzy for the first 20 weeks of pregnancy.  If we could all say a little prayer together that this weird sicky feeling was a fluke that would be wonderful. It’s the most wonderful time of the year and peppermint mocha’s are very much a part of that!

I suppose this isn’t a confession, but still, it’s news. My laptop bag of many years tragically ripped last week and I had to get a new one. Check this beauty out…I love it! The brand is Kailo Chic if you’re in the market for a new bag.

You’re never gonna believe this in a billion years. The past few weeks I have truly outdone myself with the candy consumption. I have truly been impressed with my resilience and fortitude in putting some serious candy away. Not to mention all the other junk. Cheeseburgers, pizza, ya know, crap. It’s like I was in a prison with Weight Watchers and now I am wild animal out of my cage searching for all the Partially Hydrogenated Oil I can find. And boy have I found it. But then on Saturday something happened, all I wanted was salad and fruit. It was like my little baby said, “OK Mama, you’ve had your hay day, now feed some something green.”  So I have. I have eaten better than ever the past few days and I’m feeling much better. Sometimes you’ve just gotta have a junk food binge. Right? Can I get a witness?

I murdered 4 crawdads (or crickets, whatever) yesterday and I feel absolutely no remorse. I do not understand why they continue coming into our house. I mean, it’s winter. Don’t animals die or hibernate or something in the winter? Ah, so freaking annoying. As long as they come, I will continue to murder. Be warned crawdads, be warned.

The other night, around 10:00 or so, Zach and I were watching something lame on TV and I got struck by Magical Christmas Lightening. It’s true. In a flash, Christmas spirit flooded my body and I just HAD to decorate right then. You know the feeling? When you just cannot live another minute without the twinkle of white lights sparkling in your home?  So, of course I sit up and say “We’ve gotta decorate for Christmas! It’s almost Thanksgiving!” Here’s the rest of our “chat.”

Zach: “Forget it, it’s too late. Can you relax for once?”

Me: “Never. We’ve gotta decorate. I will totally explode if we don’t decorate right now.”

Zach: “We don’t have a tree and won’t for weeks, let’s just wait.”

Me: “If you don’t help me, I’ll get up in the middle of the night and do it myself.”

Zach: “You wouldn’t.”

Me. “I would buddy. I so would.”

Zach: “Fine, I’ll get it all out for you, but then, you’re on your own.”

Me: “Except for hanging the garlands, right? You’re so good at hanging garlands (are you picking up my game here ladies?).

Zach: “Fine. Garlands and that’s it. Sometimes you drive me crazy.”

Me: “You mean, in charming, fabulous way?”

Zach: “Um, yeah, something like that.”

And then, we began the Christmas decorating of 2010. And it looks fabulous, if I do say so myself.

In other news, my sweet Bitzy has really stepped her “pretend play” lately. Love doesn’t describe how much I love playing pretend. We play tea party, nap-time (we put all of our babies and stuffed animals under a blanket and kiss them all) and then we play kitchen. I had no idea that the awesomeness of pretend would come so early. At only 13 months (today!) she’s a regular imagination station. Best.Time.Ever.

Daisy and Lily have been on “vacation” at their grandparents house. They’ve been home for 2 days straight and haven’t driven me crazy (yet). It’s a record. Maybe we’re all on the road to recovery.

Do you have any confessions for me? Do tell my peeps.

I have a bit of a quandary. A dilemma if you will.

As you may know, I am a lifelong lover of candy.  I love everything about it.

The taste.

The texture.

The aftertaste.

In my day, I have consumed more candy than I care to admit. It’s true, I have a bit of an obsession.

I may go a whopping 2 days without a piece and then eat a whole bag.

I’m really healthy like that.

The whole “everything is moderation” is crazy talk.

Back to the dilemma.

A few years ago I was really into making lists. Don’t worry, not like “to-do” lists, please. Me? I’m not really a to-do list kinda gal. My lists were more like my top 10 favorite foods, candy, movies, songs…ya know, important stuff.

I encourage you to do this, it’s a fun exercise that will really make you dig deep for answers.

For example, my favorite candy.

Who am I kidding? Top 10? Try top 50, now that I could do.

And I didn’t even separate the lists. I really should have. But alas, I’m much wiser now than in the days of my youth. I thought I could simply lump them all together…but no so, my friends, not so.

So now, a few years later, the list still plagues me. I totally didn’t do it right.

Here was my list of Top Ten Favorite Candy (in no particular order):

1. Sour Gummy Worms (still true. I do love them. But top ten? I’m not sure. This is why it’s important to have separate lists).

2. Milky Way

3. Snickers

4. Candy Pumpkins

5. Coconut Cream Pie

6. Homemade Carmel Icing

7. Yellow Cake Mix Batter

8. York Peppermint Patties

9. Banana Pudding

10. Samoa and Spumoni Ice Cream (the love is separate, but equal).

As you can tell, this is a totally bogus list. How in the world can York Peppermint Patties be on the same list as Coconut Cream Pie? It’s like apples and oranges. Even as I type this little story I’m so annoyed with myself that I so haphazardly made these lists.

Perhaps back then I wasn’t as in touch with my total and complete love of candy.

Now that I am free to shout it from the rooftops and sing to the top of my lungs, “I love candy! We are best friends forever!” I feel more inclined to take things like this list seriously.

Let’s take Milky Way and Snickers.

My first instinct is to always go for the Snickers.  But then if I eat a Milky Way I am reminded of the vast goodness of the combo pack of chocolate, carmel and the yummy goodness of nougat.

The same goes for peach rings and sour gummy worms.  I think I want peach rings, but then I long for the sourness of the worms.

I cannot be satisfied.

All this to say, I am going to spend some time considering my new and improved lists. This time, I’m going to separate the lists into much more manageable categories. And I think you should too. This is an exercise for us all. It’s really important for us to get in touch with our sweet tooth.

List One: Top Ten Sugary Candy (example: Gummy Worms & Peach Rings).

List Two: Top Ten Chocolate Candy (example: Snickers & Milky Way).

List Three: Top Ten Desserts (example:Coconut Cream Pie & Banana Pudding).

List Four: Top Ten Ice Creams.

So there you go. Your assignment my darling friends is to also consider these lists and let me know your favorites too. Surely I’m not the only one that could live on straight up sugary goodness.

Can’t wait to hear your responses.

Ya know the terrible, awful, mean thoughts you have in your head but you never say them out loud because people will think you’re such a heartless meanie pants?

Well, for fear that I will have to wear a “World’s Biggest Meanie” badge, I’ve gotta get this out.

I have a love/hate relationship with the Biggest Loser.

There I said it.

I know that everyone in the whole wide loves the show, but friends, it’s a little dramatic for my taste.

I know what you’re thinking. How can I consider McDreamy and Meredith my personal friends but say that The Biggest Loser is too dramatic?

Well, that’s a good question.

The short answer? I’ve been with McDreamy and Meredith longer. Our relationship is more solid, so that’s that. Plus, I earned my medical degree from The Grey’s Anatomy School of Medicine. I can’t quit them now, or ever.

I think part of my issue with The Biggest Loser is that the show is too long. Two hours is a really long time for one show…unless, that show is One Tree Hill of course. I would be totally okay with every episode being two hours, (do you hear me CWTV. That’s a formal request).

Also, it’s like the show finds the most emotional people in the world. These poor people say their name and where they’re from and immediately burst into tears. Why, I ask?

Do they love their hometown? Do they hate their name? What is so emotional about stating your name and hometown? I just don’t get it.

The only thing I can figure is that they’re hungry.

Like, starving.

I mean if you go from eating a pizza every day to eating grilled chicken and yogurt, how does the body respond?

The Biggest Loser has taught us over the years that the response is always tears.

Always.

Then, add in 8 hours of grueling exercise and these people realize that the key to weight loss is crying. The more you cry the more you lose. So cry on people, cry on.

I just wish that I could send them a care package full of my favorite things when I’m crying. Do you think they’d appreciate a box full of candy pumpkins, mashed potatoes and chocolate milk?

Probably not.

And also, Alison Sweeny gets prettier every episode. Can I get a witness?

I ate approximately 679 chocolate chip cookies today and I don’t even feel guilty. They were fantastic.

I just read that Tiger Woods is Buddhist. Weird, huh?

Why do I care about celebrities?

Speaking of, why do I love actresses like Reese Witherspoon but can’t stand singers like Katy Perry? Why? I don’t know them, nor will I ever. Am I in love/hate relationships with their celebrity personas?

I annoy myself.

And also, Reese is beautiful isn’t she? I’ve got a girl crush on her.

All I can think about are candy pumpkins.

Anyone watching The Amazing Race? Are Chad and Stephanie gonna break-up any second or is it just me? Also, the chick who got hit with the watermelon in the face last week is kinda my hero (in an i’mclumsytooandit’stotallyOK kind of way).

I’ve spent approximately 7 million dollars on Bitzy’s 1st birthday party. I think I may have a problem.

Sometimes I make up little songs that my laundry sings to me. Things like…(please sing to the tune of Jingle Bells), “Wash me Mommy, Wash me Mommy. Wash me, Scrub me, Clean me. I am dirty and wanna go to a dinner party, clean me so I can go.”

I don’t care what anyone says, my life is totally a musical, except the dancing is a little less, ahem, professional.

Upon the realization that I would be husbandless from September-January every Sunday due to our cableless household, I caved and we are now the proud owners of a Direct TV package. That’s right. We’re all fancy. While Sunday’s consist of football, football, and more football, at least my Zach is home and not at someones house. Right? Plus, now I’ve been reacquainted with my friends on TV. No more Hulu.com for me dudes. It’s awesome
to have my Thursday night date nights back with McDreamy and Meredith. I have missed them so.

My Bitzy played with a couple of balloons today for a solid 2 hours. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I mean, what’s cuter than my Bitzy playing patty-cake while holding 2 balloons? Nothing, I tell you. Nothing.

Remember my little story about the crazy lady at McDonald’s? No? Read it here. I’m 99% sure that she was behind me the other day at  ChickFilA. Seriously. Maybe I should take the hint that I need to lay off the fast food.

Nah.

I’m feeling all domestic because last winter I made a TON of soup and froze it. Ya know, like the Duggars would do. Michelle is totally the type to freeze soup, right? She is my gauge for all things domestic. Anywho, I grabbed a couple of my bags of frozen soup and we ate it tonight…and it tasted great! Not frozen! I know this is probably not an amazing realization to those of you who are good “freezer” people, but to me, this is great news. Maybe in 5 years I’ll freeze some more soup.

Daisy killed a crawdad today. Remember? Read here. It was one of the proudest dog mommy moments of my life. For a brief moment I didn’t want her to send her to Sibera. But then, she began licking my feet and I threatened to send her once again. Daisy.drives.me.crazy.com.

Lastly, I confess that even though I’ve broken the bank of WW by way of cookies and candy pumpkins today, I could totally go for some KFC grilled chicken right about now. Weird huh? Sugar is my people. It’s what I know, what I love. What is this weird craving for something other than my best friend, sugar? I don’t even know myself anymore. I’m hoping that tomorrow will be a new day and I can forget all about the KFC episode.

And also, I’ve allowed food to hijack yet another confessions little story again. I’m sorry. Food is my people and so are you all. We all need to mix and mingle. Right?

Right.

Notice the tummy area. Gross, eh? Do you think that's just extra Diet Coke swimming around? Surely it's not just a big ole flat tire belly. Right?

As we have determined by the literal pounds of candy I have consumed over the course of my life, I’m a sugar addict.

There is really nothing more to say at this point, I’m addicted and I don’t see that changing- ever.

However, sugar has a nemesis that puts on the cloak of sugary goodness but can’t compete with the real thing.

A fake.

A poser.

A sham.

An imitation.

A completely and utterly addictive substance that in turn has made me: Completely addicted.

Now, as if being a sugar addict isn’t enough, I’m also seemingly addicted to aspartame, the fake impostor of my boyfriend sugar.

As if you didn’t already know, I’m talking specifically about diet soda.

Diet Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Lemonade, Diet this and Diet that: I love it all.

I’ve read article upon article about the negative effects of aspartame. The infamous “they” make it seem like it’s cancer in a plastic bottle, so I get all freaked out and then I stop drinking it. I shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone I meet that they’re gonna DIE if they drink the heart attack in a cup.

Then, I fall off the wagon and become addicted yet again.

Inevitably, the guilt comes and I stop.

And so we go around and round.

I’m not arrogant enough to say that I’m done for good, but I will tell you that starting today, I’m going cold turkey. It will be a modern miracle if I make it, but it’s worth a shot right?

If I stay clean for a month can I have a big party to celebrate? Can we have be vats of icing and sing show tunes? It’s my perfect party.

Think anyone would come?

Probably not.

Nobody gets me.

In other news, many moons ago I gave up Diet Crack Coke and dropped 10 pounds in 3 weeks. I mean, what’s in the stuff???  That’s my question. You’d think about that miraculous weight loss I never woulda gone back, but alas, I did.

Maybe I’ll lose more weight with this little trick. Goodness knows that my WW adventures are getting tougher and tougher (not to worry, I’m writing a Weight Watcher little story that will be published later this week, thankyouverymuch).

So who’s with me? I know we can do it friends…Come on….Show me some love!

PS: For your viewing pleasure below is a picture of me wanting to “Make The Grade” with Diet Dr. Pepper. Is that great or what?

PPS: I love the World Wide Web.

Before we get started on all of my random ramblings and such, click over to The Queen of Quirky’s blog where I’m guest posting today!  Enjoy!

——————-

Bitzy's Besties.

Daisy and me are still on the outs. She.Drives.Me.Bananas. She likes to plant herself directly in front of my every step so that I trip over her constantly. If it weren’t for my precious child being obsessed with her then I would totally give her the silent treatment. This would be the worst form of punishment for her you see, she thrives on constant attention (both positive and negative, unfortunately).

I love Ebay. I’m much more into buying than selling these days (shocker) but it’s still fun to sell occasionally. It’s like a having a yard sale without the orange circle stickers. Plus, I would much rather sell a pair of jeans for $20 rather than $.25. Does that make me greedy? Not to mention that I’m fresh out of shaky metal card tables to put all of my knickknacks on. And…I don’t really have knickknacks. I’m a very bad candidate for having a yard sale. I’ll stick with Ebay.

My New Roommate.

I cannot be bothered with real time TV these days, which works out since we don’t have cable.  We do, however, have Netflix. Love.It. I’m 100% addicted to Prison Break. Michael Schofield and me are in it to win it. We will escape “The Company” together.  In fact, I’m watching it now. He says “hi.”

The past few weeks during The Sleep Wars, I have barely slept a wink. As a result of my lack of sleep, I had a rousing illness that resembled food poisoning on Sunday and Monday and today I came down with another ihateyourgutsmeanolebladder UTI. So annoying. Sleep related? Grey’s tell me no, but I’m still left wondering. Never sleeping can do weird things to your body, right?

I confess, that I could have a slight obsession with watching my sweetheart on the video monitor. Who needs sleep when I can stare at my offspring all night long? It’s a real problem friends. I need an intervention.

I’m thinking about quitting Diet Coke. This isn’t my first rodeo with banning the crack.  But when I think of quitting I get all sweaty and my heart starts pounding.  I just don’t know if I can.  Scary stuff I tell ya. Anyone else want to join forces to quit? I’m an addict and I need a 12 step program or at least a partner in crime to help me quit.

He said, "I love you."

Maybe after we conquer Diet Coke we could figure out how to break out of prison together since I’m becoming an expert and all.

Bitzy has a book called, “But Not The Hippopotamuss” and I have basically turned it into a rap song, because well, apparently I’m a rapper.  So we rap together Bitzy and me. Maybe someday we’ll start a little family rap group. Or, maybe I could rap for Milk Duds in prison before I break out.

Speaking of, after I wrote my last Confessions Blog I ate an entire box (14 WW points thankyouverymuch) of Milk Duds. Writing about my delicious counterpart sugar, elicits some kind of innate need to eat them as soon as possible. In fact, apparently it’s happening again. Must.Stop.Writing.

As you may know, I am a font Nazi.  I am the leader of the campaign against terrible fonts such as, Curlz, Papyrus, and Comic Sans and many many more. In the effort of full disclosure, I totally judge people based on their choice of fonts. It says so much about a person.  Am I weirdy or what?

I miss you.

I just did 60 push-ups (girl style of course) in a row while watching Prison Break. I need to bulk up just in case I get thrown into prison and need to break out. It takes a lot of muscle to be a fugitive. Maybe this show will make my arms look awesome.  Hmmm…just another reason to continue to obsess about it.  By the way, Micheal says, “I miss you.”

Could I be obsessed with Prison Break? Never.

If you’ve never watched Prison Break, please watch it. Rent it, buy it, watch on Netflix, whatever. Just watch it. Then, we can discuss it together as a family.  If you can’t tell, I’m a little bit obsessed.

After my darling sweetheart baby Bitzy slept for 9.5 hours straight the other night (read about it here) she screamed for nearly 3 hours off and on last night. Very frustrating my friends.  We’re on night 6, or is it 7? Since I haven’t slept in a week all the days are running together in unison. How long is this sleep training stuff supposed to take. Mama is TIRED.

But not tired enough to stop watching Prison Break.

Love to all,

Weirdy McWeirdikins

As you may know, I love candy.

Actually, just like Nine Inch Nails would say, “Love’s Not Enough.” Watch it here.  It’s true, Loving candy simply isn’t enough. It has taken years of practice, commitment and dedication to be the candyaholic that I am today.  (Need some history on the subject: Read more on this blog and this one).

I have been in the candy training business since I was a young lass. You see, my family owes a wholesale candy warehouse.  Which ironically enough, I barely got to eat any of it, it was (apparently) there to to sell to customers rather than to satisfy my cravings. However, while I didn’t get to ravage the aisles daily, a fascination of all the different kinds of candy  of the world was born in me.

I wanted to try them them all.  I had no preconceived notions about what was good or bad and for goodness sake I didn’t care about calories (as no child should). So, after walking the aisles of the warehouse and staking out all the options, I was ready to begin my life long candy adventure.

It all started with Tootsie Rolls.

Or possibly Tootsie Pops.  I loved that commercial with the turtle and the owl.  Classics I tell ya.  Whatever the case may be, Tootsie Rolls and me declared  that we would be friends for life.

The warehouse had all different varieties of these tasty little rolls of delight. The tiny little midgees up to the king size bar. It’s like the good ole Tootsie Company knew that the way to my heart.  Start small with the midgee- no pressure. We were simply on our first date, just having some fun and with each new bite came a greater sense of desire for the next one. It’s like we were dating and now we’re in a serious, committed relationship.

They are my fall back in the grocery store line if I have succumbed to the fact that I really want something sweet and would rather eat a bar of Tootsie Rolls rather than a tub of icing or half a bowl of brownie batter.

But let’s face it, normally I will eat the Tootsie Rolls and then go eat the brownie batter.  It’s just how I roll.

Pie.

Ah, pie. My Granny just so happens to be the greatest pie maker in the history of the world. So, I get this addiction honestly.

She comes from the old school where you make pies in a cast iron frying pan and stir it endlessly until it thickens. Back in her day life was slower and was perfectly normal to spend an hour a day making homemade pie crust and stirring in the butter, butter and more butter to make the pie splendidly thick and delicious.

I couldn’t possibly name a favorite pie.  It would be like declaring which of my siblings are my favorite.  There is just no way to choose. Although I can tell you which “category” is my favorite.

Cream Pies.

Chocolate cream, coconut cream, banana cream, you get the idea.  I like ‘em thick and fattening.

The great thing about pie is that they are a real pain to make.  They take forever.  So when I delve into the tasty goodness of a piece of cream pie heaven, I know that i must enjoy every last morsel since I have no clue when the next bite will come from.

White Chocolate.

White Chocolate is a funny thing. Some of even the most dedicated sugar addicts are not fans.  They say, “it’s too sweet.” I honestly have no idea how to respond to that. There is nothing in the whole wide world that is too sweet.  Nada.

As a kid my step-mom worked a place where she somehow acquired boxes of Nestle’s White Chocolate bar (I didn’t ask questions, I was just thrilled they were there).

I was obsessed with these bars. We rarely had sugar in the house, and finally, finally, finally, I had something to feast on. However, unfortunately she began hiding them so that I wouldn’t gorge myself nightly.  Clearly she didn’t know who she was dealing with.  I searched the house high and low for those tasty treats.  I was on a mission.

Finally one night as I lay in bed obsessing about where they could be and recounting all the places that they were not, I thought about all the places that I hadn’t looked.

The top back shelf of the kitchen cabinet to the left of the sink.

Of course. It was the cabinet that was hardest to get to and it was up so high I would have to do some serious climbing.

So, I went for a little hike in the kitchen, because my true love awaited me.

And find them I did. I’m not sure how many bars I ate that night, but it was enough that my little tummy was feeling it the next day.  Do I regret it?  I think you know the answer to that.

Taffy.

Salt Water, Laffy Taffy, Now or Laters.  I’ll take it all.  Every bit of it.  I am 100% convinced that of all the foods in the whole wide world that I could win in an eating contest, this would be the one. I would dominate, especially if someone unwrapped it all for me.

I would sit on my Taffy throne as the #1 Taffy eater of all time.  I would proudly smile and feel sorry for everyone else who only appeared to be candy lovers.  Then, I would turn my head and give one last grin before I turned purple and vomited up all of my taffy goodness….and you guessed it, I wouldn’t regret one.single.bite.

At summer camp we had Canteen every afternoon. I would get a can of Dr. Pepper, one bar of Strawberry Laffy Taffy and one Superman popsicle. It was heavenly.

One time I was last in line to get my treats and when I finally got them it was time for an activity, so I had to chug my Dr. Pepper and popsicle and just put the taffy in my back pocket.

This is one of the only times in my life that I had candy in my possession and didn’t finish it immediately.

By the time I ate it, it had totally melted into a big pink glob.  I licked up every morsel of that thick and yummy goodness, it was amazing.  In fact, I almost like it better melted than when it’s firm.  Go figure.

Sour Worms.

Many many moons ago when I was much younger and my hips were much narrower I had a tradition of taking leisurely visits to a local restaurant (I use restaurant loosely, it’s more like a shack with an oven and a port of potty), and ordering Chicken Fingers and 1 pound of sour worms.  We did this nearly every Saturday.

It was heavenly.  These particular sour worms were moderately sour, not too much, but still with some zing.  They were big and fat and long.  The convenience store kind are just the little guys, they don’t do the trick for me.  I like the ones that are in the big plastic vat thingies so they at least had the appearance of freshness.

But, let’s face it. I still would love ‘em if they had been sitting there when Nixon was president.

I would eat my worms first. Clearly.  Did I eat them one at a time, enjoying every bite you ask? No way!  I stuffed those suckers in my mouth as fast as I could.  Apparently when candy is involved I’m in a race to the finish, never mind enjoying anything.

Sometimes I wonder if my candy addition is just the thrill of the chase.  I’m a scavenger looking for my next fix, like a true addict.  I don’t mind though, it’s a fun game and truly satisfying.

Ah, now all I can think about are sour worms…thanks a lot.

Any candy that you’re obsessing about today dear readers? Do tell!

As you know, I am a candyaholic.  Even when I’m not eating candy, I’m thinking about it. I love the taste, texture and sensation.

Some people are addicted to drugs.  Some alcohol.  Some shopping…Me?  I’m addicted to candy.

Even on my Weight Watchers adventures I still allocate plenty of points toward my true love: sugar. And ya know what? Even when it’s 11:00am and I’m all out of points and I’m destined to eat lettuce for the rest of the day, I don’t regret it. Every last Milk Dud was worth it.

In honor of my delicious life partner (candy), I’m dedicating this blog to some of my favorites.

Back to Milk Duds- They are possibly my favorite candy of all time.

A few years ago when I temporarily lost my mind and ran the Triple Crown (a series of 3 races, a 5K, 10K and 10 miler) and then I stupidly topped it off with a half marathon, I ate a box of these a day.  And I wondered why I didn’t lose weight. Note the nutrition facts in one serving, 170 Calories.  Guess how many servings I had every single day???  6!!!!  A day!  That’s right, I ate 6 servings a day, for a whopping 1020 calories.  Did I mention that I ate them daily.  Plus all the other crap I was eating.  Do I regret it?  NO!  These luscious little creatures melt in my mouth and the taste lingers.  Ah, Milk Duds, I love you so.  I will always treasure our time together during training for those horrible races. Always.

My candy addiction isn’t limited to chocolate.  While I LOVE chocolate and am I true fan, I love good old fashion sugary treats as well and many times I will choose pure sugar over chocolate. One of my favorites candy of the past are BB Bats.  These delicious little sticks of delight are hard to find these days, so when I find them I simply must buy as many as possible and (not shockingly) devour them in minutes.  You know the routine.  ”Wow, I haven’t seen BB Bats in forever.  I should get enough to last for a few months.  I should get, say, at least 50.”  Fast forward 3 hours.  ”My tummy hurts.  Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten 50 BB Bats.”  Seriously people, I have a problem.

Next on my list of candy loves is cookie dough/cake batter/brownie batter.  Basically any kind of pre-baked substance that could potential give me Salmonella (among other various food poisoning disasters). I love it all.

Can you see the delectable bowl of cookie dough and the creaminess of yellow cake batter dancing in your head? Forget sugarplums, I need cake batter and pronto.  I am 99% sure that I could eat an unfathomable amount and lick the bowl clean.  No kidding.  The boundaries of my batter eating ventures are endless.

One of the only foods I craved during pregnancy was, of course, batter/dough/Salmonella in a bowl.  The husband would get so mad at me for eating the batter when I baked sweets for people (let’s face it, I was baking it for them just so I could eat the batter.  I’m a horrible person).

The good news?  I’m fine. Bitzy’s fine.  The bad news?  There is absolutely NO WAY to count WW points for cake/brownie batter. So I’m currently on a batter hiatus.  Will I ever go back?  I think you know the answer to that.

Onward to York Peppermint Patties.  Such pristine packaging isn’t?  It makes me feel like I’ve achieved something great with every bite.  Plus, it’s a “healthier” choice than let’s say, a tub of frosting, so it’s a victory when I eat one.  Or 30, but who’s counting?

Now onto the big leagues. Fudge.  Some of you haters say, “Fudge is too rich.”  What does that even mean? Too rich? You’re pansies. Every single one of you. I LOVE FUDGE. While I’m not into the nutty variety, I love it. Specifically the plain jane chocolate and peanut butter.

And ya know the best place to purchase good old fashion fudge?  You know it- Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.  The home of all things unhealthy and delicious.  If I had a dollar for every piece of fudge I have eaten while walking the streets of Gatlinburg I’d be rich.  However, I’m happy to report that rather than money I just have the pounds to prove it.  Such is life.

Now for the drum-roll…the food that separates true sugar lovers from casual sugar observers:

Icing.

I could write a book about all the different varieties of icing. This term: “icing” assumes that all icing is created equally.  Um, no. Not a chance. While I love store bought tub frosting (just not the chocolate, I HATE the tub chocolate believe it or not), homemade frosting is where it’s at.  The bad news is you actually see the culmination of all things unhealthy that icing is made out of. Note: If you’ve never made homemade icing, please don’t. Just assume that it’s made out of apples and oranges. Please. I beg you. Never learn what this heavenly stuff is made out of. But let’s focus on the positive.  When you encounter a good frosting what’s the point in eating the cake.  There is no point.  Forget the cake people.  Just eat the icing.  You won’t regret, I know that I never have.

So, for now, there’s some insight on how a candyaholic spends her days…restlessly wondering where the next bit of candy will come from.

It always comes.  Always.  Thank you Lord for candy.

One of my favs.

PS:  One of my favorite books of all time is dedicated to the love of candy…and it’s hilarious.  She’s a woman after my own heart  In fact, I think she was channeling me when she wrote this book. Maybe you should read it.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world.

For my 28th birthday these were my desserts...that's right. My friends get me.

Salt lovers and Sugar lovers.

I am 100% unquestionably a sugar lover.

You can have the potato chips, dip, crackers, actually you can have every other kind of food in the whole wide world, just give me sugar.

And fruit.

I really like fruit…probably because there is sugar in it.

And the bad news about sugar is that I have no stopping reflex.  Normal people think, “I’ve had 2 cookies, that’s plenty” or “I had 3 Reese cups, I wouldn’t want to make myself sick” or “No, I shouldn’t eat sugar, I’m breastfeeding and I should eat spinach and brussel sprouts.”

Not me, I think “Wow, since I think I’m going to vomit, maybe I should stop eating these cookies”or ”I’m breastfeeding, maybe I should eat something besides chocolate today” or “Since these Milk Duds were a gift I should finish them.  I wouldn’t want to be rude.”

Ridiculous.

And you know the people with big bowls of candy on their desk?  They’re all skinny.  Skinny people can look at candy all day long and not gorge themselves on it.

I promise that if I had a bowl of candy on my desk I would gain 10 pounds in a week.

No question.

The saddest news is that as I sit on the couch and stare at Gracie, I think about how I simply must get this baby weight off as I’m eating milk chocolate chips.

I annoy myself.