38 pounds gone.

It’s true. All the glorious months of eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it are gone too. Unfortunately.

That’s the great thing about pregnancy. I just eat. And eat. And eat.

I figure that I have my whole life to lose weight, right?

That brings me to today.

It’s true that 38 pounds is a lot of poundage. It really is.

But here’s the catch, it’s all baby weight. Now I’m back to my not so skinny normal weight. Sure I’m not technically overweight, but still, there’s plenty-o-jiggle.

That’s the crazy thing about growing a tiny human in your belly (or 2 of them in 1.5 years), even when the weight comes off, your body is different. Or mine is anyway. All of you gals who look exactly the same as you did before you had a baby: congratulations. Really, I’m not bitter. Nope, not one bit.

I, unfortunately am not one of those girls. While I’m at a comfortable weight for me, the jiggle abounds.

That brings me back to your friend and mine, Weight Watchers.

Below you’ll see a graph of my weight loss since I began in mid-July. (Aren’t I fancy for showing you a graph! So unlike me!)

Notice how the weight at first it was practically falling off me? Then if you’ll notice around October, it was, um, NOT falling off me. Take a closer look below from October to now.

Basically friends, I’ve flat-lined so to speak. I’ve been more much interested in consuming as many cupcakes as possible rather than losing weight. I admit it.

And exercise? Forget about it.

The Holidays are a sugarholics dream/nightmare come true.

So now what?

I’m not gonna lie. My heart has just not been in it. I am a firm believer that in order to effectively lose weight your heart and your head have to be in the game….and mine hasn’t been.

(Gotta getcha getcha getcha head in the game)- Throwback to High School Musical. Holla!

Now that we’ve had our musical break, back to the situation at hand.

The fact is that I’m thrilled the baby weight is gone, but I really and truly want to lose more. I’m greedy like that. I would LOVE  to lose at least 15 more pounds before the dreaded bathing suit season. If not, I think I may purchase a swim dress while my babies are too young to be embarrassed. Wholesome Wear anyone?

I’ve gotta get back to it. Maybe…tomorrow?

Anyone feel this way? Frustrated and annoyed with the pursuit of weight loss. It’s like the Neverending Story, but without the cool flying dragon/puppy, Falcor.

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

1. If this little dude inside of my belly will hold on I will deliver him in 16 days (not that I’m counting or anything).

2. 16 days, as in, 2 weeks. Holy Smokes.

3. This is good news and bad news, because of course, life ain’t always a bowl of cherries. Good news? I’ll have a swishy new bundle of love in my arms. Bad news? No more Banana Pudding Milkshakes from Chick-Fila. I’m told that all good things must come to an end. Such a bummer. I love them with a love that will never die.

4. It seems that April showers haven’t brought May flowers because it continues to rain every second of every day. I’m OVER IT. Ya hear me Lord? Please, pretty please with sugar on top no more rain until at least June.

5. Bitzy gets funnier every day. It’s true. As her speech improves her “funny factor” triples. The kid is funny…but then again, I’m a pretty easy laugh. So maybe it’s all in my head.

6. I hate when people say, “Trust Me.” Like at the end of the last sentence if I said, “she’s really funny, trust me.” I just find it insulting for some reason. Or if they say, “You wouldn’t understand.” That annoys me too. Maybe I would, how could you know?

7. It is possible that I’m a little moody in this large pregnant body.

8. Back to the milkshakes. How in the world do they combine nilla wafers, bananas and ice cream without making it all mushy and gross? Surely they don’t use fresh wafers and bananas? Or do they? I need answers people. Any experts on Banana Pudding Milkshakes out there in the blogosphere?

9. I will admit that this child in my belly has taken it easy on me and didn’t make me vomit for months (as his sister did) and hasn’t made me swell up like a balloon (ahem, as his sister did), and hasn’t made me totally and completely miserable for last 9 months (ahem, ahem, as his SISTER did), however, he is not totally innocent. Oh no. I am convinced that he is huge. And even if he’s not huge he is stronger than an ox. How do I know this? Well, because he has me in constant pain, that’s why. For those of you who are not currently preggers (and for those who are I’m sure that you can relate), it isn’t exactly comfortable to have a tiny person’s feet in your ribcage and then his head pounding your privates simultaneously. In fact, it’s quite painful.

10. Just one more question about the milkshakes…could I make them at home? Perhaps a low(er) fat version? I’m sure that my feeble attempts could never compare to the real deal, but a girl can hope, right?

We have well established that I love food.

Particularly food of the sugary sort to be sure, but I am, forever and always, a food lover.

Sure, I’m frequently a weirdo about various food items, but overall, I love food and food loves me (and my ever expanding 6 months pregnant hips).

However, I am a bit of a weirdo about red meat. I L-O-V-E steak, but hamburger meat totally weirds me out. Remember the spaghetti little story? Read about it here.

I simply cannot bear it when red meat is in tacos. Homemade, store bought, fast food, you name it, it grosses me out to no end. It’s just so….wet. And greasy. And mysterious.

Just Saturday during our moving shenanigans (yes, you will get pictures, just let me find that pesky camera cord), Zach was eating a taco from Taco Bell. He asked if I wanted a bite and THANK THE LORD I checked to make sure it was chicken. When I realized it was mystery beef, I strongly declined.

Then, today I read this article…

Hold the phone Batman. I just threw up in my freaking mouth.

Here are the ingredients in Taco Bell’s “Meat”:

Water, isolated oat product, salt, chili pepper, onion powder, tomato powder, oats (wheat), soy lecithin, sugar, spices, maltodextrin (a polysaccharide that is absorbed as glucose), soybean oil (anti-dusting agent), garlic powder, autolyzed yeast extract, citric acid, caramel color, cocoa powder, silicon dioxide (anti-caking agent), natural flavors, yeast, modified corn starch, natural smoke flavor, salt, sodium phosphate, less than 2% of beef broth, potassium phosphate, and potassium lactate.

Ummm…I am no health nut. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my body is made of 45% chocolate.  But I’ll take it any day over “isolated oat product“.

What in the heck is that anyway?

Needless to say, I’m holding steady to my refusal to eat ground beef of any variety.

I mean, it that not disguisting????

Above you see the face of a failure.

A big ole fat failure.

A tired, mascara raccoon eyed failure.

But, oh, the glorious taste of the fizz.

I missed it so.

That’s right. I fell off the wagon. I then, ran away from the wagon to the nearest Speedway station and got a “Big Chill” of Diet Coke and I never turned back.

When I tasted the yummy, fizzy, zestiness of my long lost friend Diet Coke, I choked back a few tears and calmly said, “Welcome Back Old Friend.”

Then, I broke the world record on sucking down a 32 ounce beverage.

BAM!

Don’t hate. I made it almost 2 weeks.

This, my friends is worth celebrating.

Can I still have my party with icing and show tunes?

Pretty please with Milk Duds on top?

I gotta tell ya, I’m glad to be back and not regretful at all.

Clearly, I’m not ready to totally quit, right?

Is that the mantra that heroin addicts say?

Oh well, I’m an addict through and through.

Maybe next month…

Til then, bring on the Diet Dr. Pepper.

Woo-Hoo!

Notice the tummy area. Gross, eh? Do you think that's just extra Diet Coke swimming around? Surely it's not just a big ole flat tire belly. Right?

As we have determined by the literal pounds of candy I have consumed over the course of my life, I’m a sugar addict.

There is really nothing more to say at this point, I’m addicted and I don’t see that changing- ever.

However, sugar has a nemesis that puts on the cloak of sugary goodness but can’t compete with the real thing.

A fake.

A poser.

A sham.

An imitation.

A completely and utterly addictive substance that in turn has made me: Completely addicted.

Now, as if being a sugar addict isn’t enough, I’m also seemingly addicted to aspartame, the fake impostor of my boyfriend sugar.

As if you didn’t already know, I’m talking specifically about diet soda.

Diet Coke, Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Lemonade, Diet this and Diet that: I love it all.

I’ve read article upon article about the negative effects of aspartame. The infamous “they” make it seem like it’s cancer in a plastic bottle, so I get all freaked out and then I stop drinking it. I shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone I meet that they’re gonna DIE if they drink the heart attack in a cup.

Then, I fall off the wagon and become addicted yet again.

Inevitably, the guilt comes and I stop.

And so we go around and round.

I’m not arrogant enough to say that I’m done for good, but I will tell you that starting today, I’m going cold turkey. It will be a modern miracle if I make it, but it’s worth a shot right?

If I stay clean for a month can I have a big party to celebrate? Can we have be vats of icing and sing show tunes? It’s my perfect party.

Think anyone would come?

Probably not.

Nobody gets me.

In other news, many moons ago I gave up Diet Crack Coke and dropped 10 pounds in 3 weeks. I mean, what’s in the stuff???  That’s my question. You’d think about that miraculous weight loss I never woulda gone back, but alas, I did.

Maybe I’ll lose more weight with this little trick. Goodness knows that my WW adventures are getting tougher and tougher (not to worry, I’m writing a Weight Watcher little story that will be published later this week, thankyouverymuch).

So who’s with me? I know we can do it friends…Come on….Show me some love!

PS: For your viewing pleasure below is a picture of me wanting to “Make The Grade” with Diet Dr. Pepper. Is that great or what?

PPS: I love the World Wide Web.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world.

For my 28th birthday these were my desserts...that's right. My friends get me.

Salt lovers and Sugar lovers.

I am 100% unquestionably a sugar lover.

You can have the potato chips, dip, crackers, actually you can have every other kind of food in the whole wide world, just give me sugar.

And fruit.

I really like fruit…probably because there is sugar in it.

And the bad news about sugar is that I have no stopping reflex.  Normal people think, “I’ve had 2 cookies, that’s plenty” or “I had 3 Reese cups, I wouldn’t want to make myself sick” or “No, I shouldn’t eat sugar, I’m breastfeeding and I should eat spinach and brussel sprouts.”

Not me, I think “Wow, since I think I’m going to vomit, maybe I should stop eating these cookies”or ”I’m breastfeeding, maybe I should eat something besides chocolate today” or “Since these Milk Duds were a gift I should finish them.  I wouldn’t want to be rude.”

Ridiculous.

And you know the people with big bowls of candy on their desk?  They’re all skinny.  Skinny people can look at candy all day long and not gorge themselves on it.

I promise that if I had a bowl of candy on my desk I would gain 10 pounds in a week.

No question.

The saddest news is that as I sit on the couch and stare at Gracie, I think about how I simply must get this baby weight off as I’m eating milk chocolate chips.

I annoy myself.